Hi Katie and all,
I’m not sure what my question is but this is what’s happening in my life right now. ( I think when I googled, “should I visit my son in jail?”, that’s how I somehow found this community.)
My son is in jail, due to substance abuse related criminal activity. He is hopeful he’ll be out for Christmas, and would love to come home I’m sure,
however, that scares me! I don’t trust him yet. He has ruined Every occasion, every holiday. I don’t know if I’m up to having him come home for Christmas. Coming home has been a trigger for him in the past. I feel horrible for hoping he stays in jail until space becomes available at the treatment centre, where he says he will go, and is apparently high on the list for admittance. While he’s in jail I know where he is, that he has a roof, food, and is safe, and primarily…he is now over 40 days clean, and sober! I don’t know how to handle this, if he is released.
He had been living at a buddy’s place, on the couch, before jail. I believe the buddy remains in active addiction. He can’t go back there! He is working on getting into a men’s dry house, perhaps in the interim, while waiting for a space to open up in the treatment centre. The waits can be so long! That’s why I hope he stays in jail, until one of these places has a space available for him. Alot of damage has been done in the past 9 years. In my home, I had doors kicked in, windows broken, furniture smashed. I sold our family home 2 years ago, and now rent a condo. I can’t risk that kind of damage in my rental home. Not to mention the damage this has all done to me personally, I’ve been an absolute wreck. (53, looking like 63!)
I am so grateful for this community to share and gain support and advice.
The Newcomer's Welcome: What brings you to Village?
Hi @gayneygirl
You are going through so much and you are clearly such a wonderful and caring parent. Your son is very lucky to have a mom like you.
I remember feeling similarly when my boyfriend was coming out of rehab. I was so overcome with worry and fear that once he was out of that safe space that he would relapse and go right back to drugs. When he went to rehab I finally found some short lived peace to the situation, because at least while he was there I knew I didn’t have to excessively worry about whether he was doing drugs and hurting himself in this way.
For what it is worth, I think it is very positive that your son sounds like he is interested in treatment. I TOTALLY understand the feeling of not trusting them yet. Do NOT feel guilty for feeling any of these things!!! They are so expected. Do you have any self care practices? I am not a mom, but I have seen my boyfriends mom struggle with the anxiety and sadness that comes from having a son who is an addict. It is so difficult!! I know that most recently she has found even doing one small thing a day for herself to be somewhat helpful. It seems like a process that takes a lot of time but it’s nice to know we have this community to find support from others, when we can’t deal with it all ourselves
Hey @gayneygirl we’re so glad you’re here to share and learn from others. You are not alone and we’re here every step of the way 
Hello! I am new to this online community and so thankful to have discovered it.
I am here because my boyfriend is an addict (cocaine). He has been using drugs for many years and only admitted this to me a year into our relationship. We have been together for three years now and he is currently in early recovery (has been out of rehab for a year, has not relapsed in 6 months). I have been through so many ups and downs with my boyfriend throughout his recovery, and have really struggled to find people who have been in a similar situation as me. I don’t think I have ever even had a conversation with someone who has also been in a relationship with an addict. It’s a really difficult journey but one that I am trying to navigate every single day. I’m so thankful to have found this community and to be able to communicate with you all and support one another!!
We’re so happy you’re here @gayneygirl so we can all share and grow together!
I’ve posted your question over here so it gets greatest exposure and can help those who follow who have the same question.
Please let us know how else we can support!
Welcome @dori! We’re so thankful to have you here 
I think you’ll find a few people here at Village who you can talk to about being in a relationship with someone struggling with substance use. It is a difficult journey but the first step is reaching out for help so you’re already on the way!
i’m here because i am in a relation with some one struggling with heroin addiction. i had my share of broken green promises.He had an 8 years of being clean before , but things changed after he got a divorce , he started abusing drugs again . after we met he said he want to change for he wants to commit. he was enrolled to detox center and managed to stay clean for 30 days then relapsed. Now he is acting distant saying i can not commit because i will ruin your life . he is pushing me away. i am not quite sure if i am able to handle this alone but i want to help him. I saw your website and felt that i am not alone and with shared experience things might change. thank you
Welcome here @dori!
You’ll find you’re not alone here - conveniently, even, the member @Mona who posted below you also just joined the Community and is also in relationship with someone struggling with substance use.
Hi @Mona and welcome to Village, we’re so glad you’re here! You are certainly not alone and I love that you’re encouraged to make some positive changes!
Welcome here @Mona! No need to handle it alone - we’re so grateful you’ve joined this Community so we can share the weight! 
Im here for support and to hear from others who have similar issues. My 25 year old son and 20 year old daughter they are addicts. My son’s drug of choice was alcohol and weed for a long time. His girlfriend and mother of his two kids 5 and 3 started abusing pills, after she was jobless and without money she started using heroin. Last year, in November I found out my son was also using heroin. Things got bad fast, no jobs, no place to live, trouble with the law and about 5 months ago their childrem got taken away by the state. I have physical custody. My son just finished a 30 day rehab program he might get to get supervised visits. My daughter has been in probation for over a year. She is not getting clean, I just found out she is taking prison instead of probation. I found PAL over a year ago. I also went to alanon. Right now I don’t have the time to go to support groups. Those programs helped me keep my insanity. I’m thankful for the time I got to go.
Hi Mona! I’ve been in a similar situation with my boyfriend who struggles with a cocaine addiction. Here for you if you need
Thanks for sharing @Catavila that’s a lot to hold, you’re a very strong woman and we’re here for you. You are among peers here <3 though each is unique I know some other members families sound similar to yours. Look forward to them chiming in too. Sending love.
Thank you for trusting this Community with your story @Catavila. In-person meetings may not be available to you right now and my hope is that you find comfort and sanity here. Things certainly feel lighter when shared.
This was a BIG week for our growing Community!
Extending a welcome to 27 new members: @LilMr @Moosecat @Mona @LisaA @Val @sherryamc @Pattiecakes07_J @Dish60 @Bamachick @Catavila @Patrona.rlly @Julallison @Dflower @BigMattS2K @addictability @PerfectlyImperfect @SmithT @Susanl_thompson @dori @ryanpaulc @Melissas72 @HRBD @brad @tlclark514 @Samas @alice @Rosaritachiquita74.
If you haven’t yet, please take 5 minutes to:
- Say ‘hi!’ on this thread & tell us how the Community can best support you.
- Find one question that you feel comfortable to answer! Every question or answer added makes this place a more valuable resource for all.
Don’t hesitate to reach out if you have any questions! I’m here & happy to help.
Welcome to everyone who recently joined. I have found an amazing online community of support for family members through this site and also helpful info on latest medication assisted treatments, such as suboxone, which is what my 24-year-old son is taking. We have found it very helpful that he has frequent check ins with a doctor who urges him to get regular counseling, and he is making progress in his life.
Welcome everyone!!! So glad you’re here! I’m the wife of a recovering addict and support coach for women looking to reconnect back to themselves. Feel free to tag me or message me any time!
(((hugs)))
erin
I have been around addicts my entire life. I am dating an addict who is currently incarcerated, due to his addiction. I am here to learn ways to support him on his journey to recovery
We’re so grateful you found us @PerfectlyImperfect! I imagine you have so much wisdom to share here - and I hope you find the support you need.
It’s been another big, beautiful week here at Village!
We want to extend a very warm #WednesdayWelcome to our 41 new members: @Marigold @Jackiedella @Sarahlee @Deianira @SoberWise @anniesals @BeanieAnn @Kel2018 @Castroan @Laurene04 @Katiejane @CC812 @Erule @Mustanggirl515 @Belcherkid12 @huckjb13 @Tommyj @JSteward @Lobee123 @Dragonfly1 @dbfbilly1 @rcgsunshine @LeeLee @Detron @shea @Kjordon89 @dbfbilly1 @Gold @Kristine @Reubencuban @addiction_tech @lencha.nastova @Drupid @aesthete19 @Tauntsmywings @LisaLA @Seekingsupport @Ares @Wenderella81 @cmcdonald @Mflo1019 @Sammasone
If you haven’t yet, please take 5 minutes to:
- Say ‘hi!’ on this thread & tell us how the Community can best support you.
- Find one question that you feel comfortable to answer! Every question or answer added honestly makes this place a more valuable resource for all .
Don’t hesitate to reach out if you have any questions! I’m here & happy to help!