The Newcomer's Welcome: What brings you to Village?

welcome
newcomer

#1

Welcome to Village Q&A - the online place to find answers and use your hard-earned experience with loving someone through their addiction to help others.

(Click here) to introduce yourself and share what brings you to Village community?

Thanks for being here and contributing - every Question & Answer helps!


#4

I have tried everything I can think of to help my husband. Being nice, being mean, you name it. I know I can’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to do but I just don’t know how many more chances there will be. I’m so tired of this cycle.


#14

Thanks for being here @pde73 I know how tiring this rollercoaster can be. How are things going now? How can we help? <3


#5

I’m here because I’ve been married three times to abusive alcoholics. My first husband started drinking after becoming addicted to cocaine. When I met him, he used nothing. My parents do not drink. I’ve never seen either one of them drink. I went on a date with my last husband and he told me he was a recovering alcoholic. By that time I’d studied the disease enough to be wary. He arrived for our third date unable to drive his truck. I told him to take me home. That’s all I said. He used every swear word I’ve ever heard and I told him to never call again. A week later, his daughter called from the hospital begging me to speak to him. She told me her mother had abandoned them. He told me he knew I was the only person who could save them. I can’t believe I stayed. !5 years. He abandoned me four years ago. He still calls nearly every night, drinks, hallucinates, creates pain and problems for me and my entire family and I don’t know how to stop this cycle.


#3

#21

Change your phone number or block his.
Learn how to show yourself, you love you!
Start with finding a therapist who can help you sort things out, allowing you to make healthier choices for your life, not anyone else’s.
It’s totally ok to love yourself and learn how to take care of yourself. This is NOT being selfish.


#7

You ask what brings me to the village, well because of my background and experience in the field of psychology and emphasis on addiction i know there is a great deal of people out there struggling to deal with this societal problem. It is worldwide and goes beyond socio-economic boundaries. With that being said, I am here to assist and help others.


#8

Great to have you here @jmechevaria we look forward to hearing more of your wisdom here :slight_smile:


#9

I’m here because of my brother, who was diagnosed with ADHD since he was a child. He had been taking various medications prescribed by his doctors over 14 years now, and he is still on medication for ADHD. Seeing him grow up, he’s experienced many of the negative side effects-- depression, anxiety, alcoholism and lack of sleep. His lifestyle and habits are quite poor and he has lost a sense of his identity. He’s become so dependent on the medication that it’s difficult for him to be fully present without it. Because of this, he is not very good at managing his emotions. I feel he is actually emotionally underdeveloped and experiences things in very extreme ways, never knowing what will trigger him and put him in panic mode (contributing to his anxiety). I really want to help him out and be there for him but I get very frustrated with him when we try to communicate. He’s in therapy and very aware of his condition. He wants to improve his lifestyle and be off the medication completely but it feels like it will be a very long journey to full recovery.


#102

Bless you!!! There are not enough people willing to give help anymore.


#10

Hi everyone, I am here because my older son has a drug problem. He has been in & out of jail, and just a few months ago got out of prison. He was doing so well but his when his drug test came back diluted, he had to do weekend jail time. He panicked and gave the excuse that they were going to put him in jail for 6 months. I am not there to really know what is going on, since I live out of state. His father has been enabling him, then helping him. ( lawyer fees, etc.) I have been scared, stressed, etc. the entire time this has been going on. Sometimes I blame myself for not being there, even though it was his choice to start using them. He knows how I feel about drugs since I have never used them. He just turned 23. He needs my help and I am willing to move out there to do what I can to help him.


#13

Thanks for joining us here @hersheydoxxen though it’s such a hard journey, I love to hear your support for your son. I think we can all relate to this feeling of care and willingness to do what it takes. It sounds like you have a wealth of experience here that you can share with our community.


#35

Hey @hersheydoxxen - You might find this post interesting. Would love to know how you are since you posted? Any updates?


#11

Hi everyone, I am here to connect and learn how to help myself to be able to help my fiance continue with the good fight. Hes over 6 months sober and the past still haunts us at times. We have been together for three years now and I have learned alot. Maybe I can help and br inspired by others, or help others to. Karmen


#12

Thanks for joining us here @Alldayswife :slight_smile: I’m in the same boat with a husband in recovery, it’s tough but we’re getting there!


#15

I’m new to this platform - I’m still learning the ropes - but I’m no stranger to addiction, recovery, and codependency. I’ve married 2 addicts - the first I left, the second I was ready to when he chose treatment. He’s got almost 7 years clean now. I knew I wanted to help other women ‘find themselves’ when he got to be about 3 years clean and I was still a miserable B****.

So I did MY WORK. I’d done alanon and celebrate recovery and they were incredibly helpful, as was traditional psychotherapy. But something was missing. Long story short I met a woman who was a life coach, and fast forward today - and I’m a life coach :slight_smile:

For the last 2 years I’ve had a block around the word “coach”. In my head (you know the B%^$# that lives up there - mine is named Negative Nelly) - I could hear “You’re really only good at f-ing things up… And beating the shit out of yourself for it”

I felt as if a coach is someone who knows about the game (sports reference) and can help others adjust their technique and plays to be a winner. Since most of the time I feel like I’m winging it - I’ve had a really hard time embracing “Coach” as a title. It was an awesome fit when I was the self-proclaimed #coachforwivesofaddicts and focused strictly on those in relationships where addiction was part of the hubby’s journey. But let’s be real - when the one you love is in active addiction, it can be brutal to work on YOU.

I told Nelly to cut the shit. Because even IF it was true that I’m good a F-ing things up. And beating the sh!t out of myself for it. I’M MADE TO LIFT OTHERS and remind them NOT to beat themselves up. To remind them of the truth.

So- I am a accountability and support partner. Why partner? Because I’m committed to the journey WITH you. Not as a leader, but as a kind of guide. I can see things from another perspective. Ask you to dig deeper and ponder the hard questions. I’m a neutral third party who only has your growth and success as a goal.

Together, we can shift the trajectory of your life.

I look forward to getting to know you all, and contributing to the healing of your wounds. <3


#16

I’m new to the group my son has struggled for 6 yrs currently in treatment for the 6th time ( relapse… while not encouraged… should however be expected) I’ve learned a lot I want to help others who struggle and their families


#18

Welcome @Lesley_Cooney, so glad to have you here! Learning about substance use and and taking that knowledge and experience to help others is extremely helpful and powerful! :smile:


#17

It’s hard for us who do not have the brain dis-ease that our loved ones have.
We only have our perspective from how our brain works and our common sense, morals, ethics and values that have not been Hyjacked

It’s hard, really hard but… that’s why all us strangers are here right? We are desperate for help, support, answers.

Please understand that the person you know so well, love, have grown with over the years has had their brain invaded which in turn does not allow them to make good decisions for themselves. While we can not recover for them we can however educate ourselves so we do not get tricked by the drugs that have taken over our loved ones brains. It is our responsibility to show compassion, love and support in an effort to get our loved ones to “choose” to recover. However, should they not choose to since their brains are severely hyjacked by the drugs, please know this does not give them the ability to make good decisions for their own well-being or the well-being of anyone around them. This is when we must take action by forcing them into treatment for the safety of themselves and any living person that may come in contact with them.

Please try to remember that when a human brain is hyjacked by drugs this is not your loved one you are battling this is the drug that has invaded their brains ( for whatever reason ) and their only hope to escape is for someone who loves and cares deeply about them to invest the time, energy and yes maybe some money to get them the help they need. I wish we lived in a different time where we had more resources to help us but also know, while not fast enough…progress is being made little by little but in the mean time please continue to educate yourself as much as possible in order to find resources to help your loved one and support for you as you go on this journey to helping by being an instrument to help bring about peace in our world.


#20

Welcome to Village Q&A, @a.vigilryan @Pause_2_Balance @aquestioningsoul!

If you need a hand navigating the platform, feel free to send me a message. I’d be happy to show you around!

We are so glad you’re here.