I can’t speak as a mom or with the experience of what you’ve been through @gayneygirl so this is just my two cents.
I would say 1. let’s look after you first.
We cannot look after others if we aren’t on solid ground ourselves. I’m hearing your concern about him coming home. And I’ve been in the situation where my loved one has let me down around the holidays and it really sucks.
I think it sounds completely reasonable to hope he can go from jail to a treatment center.
It also sounds like this would be best for his recovery, that in the past he hasn’t been able to show up in a healthy way and you simply want him to get there.
I agree with @Lynette_Swartwood that speaking with him when sober is best.
Perhaps you could speak with him about how you’d like to come and visit and are most excited to support his long term recovery, for which you and he agree that a treatment center will be the best path.
One tip for successful conversations is to ask for permission first. And wait until he is ready for the conversation you want to have. You might not get to have the conversation today, but trust me it will go better if he agrees to it!
Another tip is to focus on the negative affects of substance use that you can both agree to dislike, this taps into his motivation to change and get help instead of it being something we are forcing on him.
As long as you feel supported and strong enough, I don’t see the harm in visiting. In fact, I think visiting under the right set up would be nice for you both.
I have no idea how the jail system works, but could you ask them to release him to the treatment center instead of home?
The more people supporting his recovery the better <3
Stay connected, I’ve read that jail can be very hard on those vulnerable and in need of professional help in recovery.