When the substance addiction is gone...have your loved ones been able or struggled to build strong friendships / support?

recovery

#1

My husband loves people, he’s a people person and thrives of intimate human connection. When he stopped using substances (and is not in his ‘life of the party mode’) he’s found it hard to connect with people. He gets major social anxiety now. This is certainly an area of growth for him. But since connection is the opposite of addiction it’s quite dangerous to have the effect of not using substances be tied to social isolation.

@erica helped me unpack my husband’s recent relapse a bit. She said something that stuck with me - “sounds like your husband doesn’t have too many friends he hangs out with nor makes an effort to socialize and build those connections, perhaps that’s a focus?”

Maybe there’s a way we can help engage those around our loved one to play more of a role so that the responsibility for social connection doesn’t rest on our shoulders only and so they have more connections.

I’m super interested if others have noticed this in their loved ones.


Who in your support network gives you a reality check?
#2

My kids have really relied on alanon for friends and social life they seem to plan a lot of activities dinner volleyball games ect


#4

That’s awesome, @amy.j.bol! I imagine it feels complicated to join in social situations where people are using (maybe even casually, like at a pub) - so planning activities with new friends from AA seems like so much less pressure.

As an aside (maybe pertinent to your young adult kids… or maybe not, then feel free to ignore) - I recently learned about this dating app for dating in recovery!


#3

This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately!

I shared in this post that my mom passed away a few years ago leaving my dad as a widower. A lot of their social circle disappeared on him & dad moved to a new (small!) town a few hours away from these people.

It seems my sister, my uncle, and I are the extent of dad’s “village,” which can feel like a heavy responsibility. The longer he is alone, the more he seems to lose his social normalities & the harder it is to “get out there.”

We encourage him to be socially active (join a church group, attend his neighbor’s “mens meetup,” or maybe a hiking club?!) to no lasting avail. He might do something once or twice and then not follow-through.

Would love to know if anyone else has experience with a similar situation, and how they motivate their loved one to "get out there?!"