What to do when addict is homeless and habitually content being at rock bottom?

meth
relationship

#1

My fiancé of 11yrs became homeless 2 years ago due to his addiction to Meth and inability to cope with life itself due to mental illness and childhood trauma/neglect. I have done everything in my power to help him but he has yet to help himself in the least. And ever since he’s become homeless, he’s actually become worse…he sees no incentive to change when there is an abundance of free drugs out there along with all the churches, charities, and programs that hand out everything he needs for free (food,clothing, money,blankets)… It’s only made him more comfortable, unmotivated and content when he has no responsibilities whatsoever and gets everything handed to him while also having the freedom to remain an addict.
It breaks my heart that I don’t see him ever changing and fear he’ll eventually end up dying out there. We have a daughter together and I wish he’d make the steps to change at least for her. But he continues to push us both away and treat drugs and his “homies” as top priority. I’m lost as what to do because even though I may sound upset in this post, I never show any animosity towards him and am always positive (not enabling) and always let him know I am here for him… Yet for some reason my kindness sets off his anger and has caused him to push me away and I’m lucky if he calls me once a month, sometimes it’s longer than that, I feel like he doesn’t love me at all, but yet in my heart I feel like he does but he’s always giving me mixed signals. I am just constantly a mess of anxiety anymore…Do I give up, change my number and walk away even though we have a child together or do I keep on and keep faith…either way I feel my heart and world will be completely shattered and I am hurting constantly by this while at the same time I feel like he’s out there and could care less about me or our daughter, and that hurts as well.


#2

How have things progressed here?
Are there any others in his support network you can band together with so that it doesn’t all rest on your shoulders?
I’ve found that taking the long view approach to support has really helped. Healing takes time and we can start with small injections of joy back into life to make big shifts in their healing. Like staying connected, being kind, and planning a fun human activity - in nature, comedy, music - something they love.

Thought these two guides from our Playbook might be useful to you:

Let me know if any of those are helpful, resonate or if there’s something else you need right now.

Sending love @ACSC101 <3


#3

Unfortunately henhasnt hit his rock bottom by then sounds of it. Rock bottom for every addict is different and if they hit bottom and find the trap door then they haven’t truly hit RB…my own experience led me to walk away get full custody and only then did he realize he had nobody and started to straighten out again. The best way to help him is to help yourself and your daughter. Its hard loving an addict and my experience has been its not that they don’t love you but they really cannot handle the withdrawal and disappointing others if or when they relapse. If he knows you’re always going to hang on there is no iincentives to change because your right he is comfortable in the environment. Do right by you and your daughter. Good luck


#4

How are you? I can totally relate to yourstory and how you feel abt your loved one. How about explore new things that will expand you and give you joy. Stop focusing on him esp if youve stuck that long. Maybe he is also too comfortable that you welcome him everytime. Let him do his work. Cut ties. We dont know what the future holds but do you think you also can be happy and free from all of this? Cit the cycle… explore options