I’ve asked a few questions already, but I need more insight.
I’ve been teeter tottering with the idea of dropping the restraining order. I have friends against the idea, but they only see the bad things that my boyfriend has done. They haven’t seen the countless amazing times and the way he is when he is sober and he’s clean. I understand where they are coming from, but I lost my best friend because of this restraining order. It wasn’t mainly my idea, it was my mothers. Everyone jumps to conclusions and automatically names an addict “bad” “lowlife” “can’t help themselves” but they are stronger than most people I know. My boyfriend in hand, he is AMAZINGLY strong. He’s lost people who meant the world to him, he’s finally accepting that it’s okay to need help and to want it. He’s living with his grandparents for the time being and I think it’s taking a toll on him because they are older, like 60s. I think he’s coming to terms with that all his friends are on their own and have started families because they are in their late 20s, early 30s.
It’s only been a few weeks, but I’ve come to terms with dropping the order, whether it’s granted or not is the hard part. Financially, my boyfriend helped a lot. He was my best friend, he saw how toxic my family is, he understands, and he’s treated me like no man has ever treated me. He’s never made the main focus about sex or even my looks. He’s made me feel like the only girl in the world.
My mom heard the words “he put his hands on me…” and she RAN with it. She was yelling up and down that I needed the restraining order and made it a point for me to get it. I’m 25, I know right from wrong. I know my boyfriend. The way I reacted wasn’t okay. I was yelling at him, throwing things around the room (not at him) and just being an a**hole. He took me trying to sit on the bed as coming after him because of his past relationships. He has had so many slip ups but I’ve never set boundaries. I’ve never sat down with him and made him think about everything. I’ve been a major enabler and after coming onto the village, I’ve seen a different viewpoint, a better viewpoint. Instead of listening, I lost my mind when I found out he slipped up again.
In the end, he knows me like the back of his hand and I know him like the back of my hand. We have previously discussed trying couples therapy and neither of us have EVER done that and we both want this to work. I know I’m going to be judge for doing what I’m about to do, but I’m not blinded by love or the lust, when you sit and you think of the outcomes and the different way things add up, you become more clear in mind.
I’m not saying I’m going to jump into the relationship without having caution, but I want us to be able to pick up the phone and be there for each other because in the end, we are the only people we have and I know we are both going to be ourselves out of this dark hole and become better for ourselves and our future.
I’m just looking for input, anything. Thank you <3