My boyfriend has been in a residential rehab center for 2 weeks today. It took a long time and a serious intervention to get him to this point. Since he entered rehab two weeks ago, he has called and asked to leave at least four times. I have heard every excuse in the book. I’ve talked with his therapists at the center and they tell me it’s part of the process and he is missing the outside world. But I am worried he isn’t invested in getting better and therefore it won’t be long before a relapse happens when he gets out. He doesn’t seem to be taking it seriously. I understand that we can only give them the tools and what they choose to do with them is out of our hands. He knows he is not going to be picked up early and will be there for the full 30 days. But be sincerely seems to think that’s a waste of his time and he is ready to leave after two weeks. It’s very disheartening to me and I worry all of this will have been for nothing. Should I be worried about how badly he wants to leave? How do I respond to these requests in a way that’s helpful to him and doesn’t make him feel like I’m forcing it in him?
@Kippy Yeah that can be difficult to hear them not wanting to go all in on their recovery.
Ultimately, it comes down to boundaries- he’s an adult and can do what he wants, but you get to choose how to respond. If he leaves early, will you allow him to live with you? If he chooses not to engage in treatment, will you continue to support him financially, with your physical presence, etc?
You both get to choose how to live your life. If he decides he doesn’t want treatment, you get to decide how involved you will be in his life/using.
I know it totally doesn’t feel that black and white, but ultimately that’s the choice we have
You also get to choose if you’ll be “worried” or not. You don’t have to be worried, you can totally let that go and let him discover what works best for him and when he’s ready.
So no, I wouldn’t say you should be worried. I’d say you should be curious. Curious about how he feels, curious about why you need him to do treatment a certain way, curious about what YOU need from yourself in order to take care of yourself regardless of his choices.
You got this!
Hi @Kippy - Have you heard of the Stages of Change model? The stages of change include precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, maintenance, relapse, and back to precontemplation. Understanding these stages and recovery as more of a process rather than just sobriety has helped me meet my husband where he’s at, instead of expecting him to be in a stage that he just isn’t ready for yet. I hope that helps. Please know that getting to that action and maintenance part is definitely possible, it just takes time, work, patience, perspective, and empathy!