Not sure what to expect


I didn’t know my BF when he was in the height of hi use 8ish years ago but he’s been open about his struggles and past since we met. He had a lot of clean time and relapsed a few weeks ago because he lost his job. It didn’t take me long to figure out what had happened. My mom was an addict who eventually od’d when i was a teen so im well versed in addiction but still seem overwhelmed and unprepared.

We were so happy and then things changed so fast. He was so diligent- going to the gym, talking antidepressants, looking into counseling, asking me to help him stay accountable in case he got prescribed pain killers for his dental surgery. We were talking about getting married. We.were a team
It felt heathy. Then 2 weeks ago he got fired and he bought heroin from the dark web and has been progressively getting worse. I dont think how we got here and I know all we can do is a day at a time.

Last night he agreed to come to my place for a controlled,.clean environment and to hang out until the MAT appt he agreeed to tomorrow morning. He thanked me for believing in him, for loving him.

The positives right now are he’s alive and he’s open to some kind of treatment. I am of course afraid of 100909 unknowns but I’m trying to take it a day at a time. A moment at a time.

I know recovery is a journey. I know the good and real things thats happened before this still matter and arent ruined. I know that he has to take the steps and make the decisions and I think he slowly is. I dont want to be enabling or controlling, only helpful. I am feeling alone and scared.

I have a therapist and friends and i am committed to my own mental health in this. But i also want to be a resource for him.


Hi @Mchrisos - I’m glad you found this space. It sounds like you’re on the right track as far as self care and perspective. I’m glad your bf has been able to find support and is moving toward recovery. That is great news and such a huge step. As far as what to expect - I’ve learned that one of the most important (and hardest) things to do through this whole process is let go of expectations. That said, I can tell you that from my experience, recovery is hard work for everyone. It’s not about getting clean and living happily ever after, which it sounds like you’re well aware of. My husband has been in recovery for years from heroin addiction, and not a day passes that I don’t struggle with trust and pray for courage. I hope you’re able to find peace and joy within the chaos - it’s definitely there, you just have to open to it. :pray:t4::sparkles:


Thank you :slight_smile: