So my friend and I have known each other for over a year. We met at a bar and we were just cool. Could talk easily, laughed a lot and it was nice. I thought he was cute but he’s younger than me by quite a bit so I was like nah.
One night we ended up making out and would hang out a couple of times but ended when he went back to his ex. I was surprisingly hurt by that but moved on. Ran into him at the same bar a couple months later and it was nice but he spent the majority of the time snorting coke in the bathroom. Didn’t know he did coke like that and his entire demeanor was off and we parted ways kinda tensely. We reconnected again in the fall, he looked really thin and he’s never been a big guy. We made a few times and then we had a falling out about our feelings and I pulled away for months because it just hurt bad. Also the night of the fallout he was coming down from doing coke most of the night.
In the time we separated, I got my act together. Therapy, working out, stopped drinking (still sober) because of my own issues with it. I ran into him earlier this year and we have been friends. It’s been nice, hanging out, talking, doing random shit. He told me about his addiction to coke, he was working on being clean. He stopped drinking for a bit but started it back up again. Fine. No judgement.
One day while we were talking about plans, he changed his mind in midstream and I explained I’m funny about time and I don’t mind if he changes course but let me know. I didn’t think I said it any odd way and then he mentioned going out really late and he sounded so rough. So I asked if he was using or if he used and if he’s okay. The last time he sounded like that he was. Anyway, we made plans for later in the week and when we met up — the energy was off. I was stressed from work and stil working but he was mad about me checking him about his changing his mind and asking about his sobriety.
Anyway things escalated to him being visibly upset and wanting to get home and being really rude to me. Totally unlike him and I was concerned because I didn’t know how to react. It was odd, he just switched on a dime.
He eventually apologized and said he needs to be home because the addiction is a cycle and staying out late gets him in trouble. I asked if something happened and he told me not to worry about it and that he’s fine.
He could be fine. But the actions just seem weird. I told him I’m here to support, no judgement. I said let’s link up — no response. I called him — no response. I sent him a text saying he the last reaction was crap for the two of us but doesn’t have to define things unless we don’t learn from it.
All this convo took over the course of a few days not back to back. Now he’s quiet, no acknowledgement or response. Which if I wasn’t sober would bother me more now I’m just fed up. I care about him a lot. I don’t know if he’s using or has wanted to use again but the silence is what digs at me. We’re friends, right? If he doesn’t want to talk to me now or forever or whatever — I’m rational, what’s the issue? I’m not one to guilt or get mad. I’m just typing it here because my best friends think I should just leave him alone because he’s an addict and they can’t be trusted.
But yet I worry anyway. I am fine overall but man…it can just be so weird. Don’t know how to process it or if there is anything to process.