Is it normal to be angry at spouses relapse. I think I’m hurt but it comes off as anger. How do I deal with it


#1

Use this category to ask & share about your physical, mental, and emotional well-being - your personal experience supporting someone through addiction.

Suggested use -
What emotions are you experiencing?
How are you taking care of yourself?


#2

I’m very angry. I want nothing more than to love him through his struggle but in the moment it seems nearly impossible. I don’t know how to answer your question but I relate with you. After all the lies and broken trust it’s hard not to be angry.


#3

@Mlizzie

It’s very hard to see the person you love disappear under the cloud of addiction. You can still see a glimmer of their former self, but that glimmer gets smaller and smaller as time goes on. It’s difficult to know if they are still the same person you fell in love with or if they have completely changed forever.

It’s hard to take the step back and decide what to do. Do you continue fighting for that glimmer, or do you look and see if you love the person they are today?

At the end of the day, you need to look after yourself and only he can look after himself. Until the day he asks for help, there’s nothing you can do to get him there. And from that point the trust can start to be rebuilt, if that’s what you want.

Your feelings are valid, anger and resentment are very normal in these situations - even when you still love them and want it to work out. It’s not an easy position to be in. But it is possible to love the person, but hate the addiction. It’s can be difficult to separate those things, but it does make life that bit easier knowing you are not to blame, you are not to take responsibility for his actions, you cannot force him into recovery.

Look after yourself, I have found a relationship with an addict a bit traumatic to be honest. There’s a lot that we take on as their other halves. So I’ve been trying to direct that attention I always gave him, back to myself.

Take care x