My SO has been in treatment for multisubstance addiction. He is nearing the end of his initial treatment program but they have asked him to stay longer because they feel he needs it. He is also being treated for mental illness that has previously gone untreated. So he is going through a lot and I try to be supportive when I have the opportunity to talk to him.
I have known for a long time he needed help but this is his first time at inpatient rehab which steemed from a large argument/incident between himself and me that was the catalyst for family and myself to tell him he needed to seek treatment. I did tell him that we could only make it work if he was sober. He made the decision later that night to go to inpatient.
I also do want to state that I am not a former, current, or future drug user. So although I am supportive and loving and nurturing I do not know first hand his struggles. I can only research as others for guidance (like I am now) and pray for his health and happiness.
When he first checked in he loved me, missed me, i was amazing. He would call me when allowed, wanted me to come visit, ect. Now he is nearing the end of his stay there on the regular program and now he calls less, told the facility I am not allowed to visit, says things like pretty much everything I do makes him anxious, i can never say the right things, he gives me tasks to complete so when he gets out he can “have the life he wants” but when we talk about his future plans I am not really in them unless its a facilitator of task he needs completed. Which leaves me feeling confused as to how I in his mind went from being his amazing girlfriend to now all of a sudden I cause him anxiety but talking to him about him.
Earlier this week he called to tell me he was going to stay the extra time. Last night he calls me and says nope he is not staying because he is good. He did ask what I thought. I told him, i think he is underestimating how hard it will be on the outside, that the medical professionals think he needs more time, that he has told me he has gotten alot out of the program so far, he is still struggling with his mental illness while they try to get him regulated on the new medications, I said with all that information you need to make the decision for you. This is your decision. Well then he started to tell me how I wasnt being helpful and that he needed to talk to his counselor because she is the only one who “gets” him now and that he will call me tomorrow and I better have a better answer as to what I think he should do. I am just baffled.
I don’t know how to deal with the back and forth going on when it pertains to me. I have been trying to see a therapist but in my area theres a 4 - 6 week wait on being able to get in to see someone - just to help me sort everything out. I want him to be happy and sober and live with peace and happiness. They way he goes back and forth makes me feel like I am possibly a trigger for him if i supposedly make him so anxious all the time. I brought him pictures of myself and the kids (we have 5 btwn the 2 of us), and pictures frames and he used to have them on his desk now he says he has taken mine down and brought other ones out. I talked to his sister, which is one of the closest people to him, outside of me, and even she says its really wierd that he is calling less (not calling his 12 year old son either) and refusing to see me and then the way he behaves towards me on the phone and when i went to see him last (he asked me to leave after 15 minutes because he was mad I wouldnt smuggle him in a vape pen). He called me later and apologized but still he calls less and less and usually its to be negative or tell me things I need to for when he gets out.
I know rehab is for the addicts but I also thought they did sessions with the families as well. I want to be a great support to him but I dont know how to navigate the ups and downs and what to do and say to do that.
Does anyone have any advice for me because I am feeling lost and overwhelmed and defeated. I feel like our relationship is over particularly in his mind, which hurts but thats not what I am concerned about. He doesn’t have a lot of sober people or people who genuinely care about him in his life and I don’t just want to walk away even as a friend when he really needs it. I just want to support as much as I can but not make myself insane in the process.
Can anyone give me some advice about what he is going through or if what is going on is to be expected? Why he would be behaving this way? What should i be doing?