My partner is a recovering alcoholic. He’s been sober for 3 months on Monday. We’ve been together 3 years and he’s never made it longer than 1 month clean. Around this time is usually when he slips and relapses. He’s been amazingly honest this time around with his feelings and cravings, I’m just so worried because of past weak moments of his that he’s going to slip again soon.
Thanks so much for sharing @OKM90 anxiety is totally reasonable here and @LexiNico was also talking about it this week. Though reasonable, it certainly takes a toll on our nervous system and can really make us feel burnt out regardless of how our loved one is doing.
When my husband went to rehab I began meditating and have been doing that as a daily practice ever since (for 4+ years now). Are there any tools you’ve used in the past with your anxiety? Friends, family support? Yoga? Walks? Gratitude practice? In the behavioral theory of change we learn to start with things that have worked in the past, if there isn’t anything we can experiment with something new
Love to hear more on the above and how you’re weekend has been so far?
Hi! I’ve been struggling every so often with anxiousness similar to yours. I worry mostly about the future and what will happen if I stick around for years and end up heart-broken all over again due to possible relapse. A few days ago I woke up with worries I just couldn’t contain. But my boyfriend and I have been communicating openly about our feelings, worries, etc and I told him how I was feeling. I regularly attend AA/CA meetings with him and it helps me cope with this anxiousness because it allows me to understand his addiction the best I can without being in addiction myself. And I think attending meetings with him has brought us closer. This week what has helped me most is writing a list daily about at least 3 things I’m grateful for. It shifts my focus and energy and allows me to come back to the “now”… that has helped me this week. I don’t know what will help next week but I’m excited to see what comes.
Thanks for listening.
Hi Jane! Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my post.
As my partner is currently in a meeting, today he gets his 3 month chip! I’m just sitting outside waiting, eating some supper and catching up on this site that I’ve been extremely fortunate enough to find.
I’m doing well today, besides stress at work, things are good today.
My partners brother is an active alcoholic who’s struggling with life right now. So with that going on, he and I are worried.
Some things I’ve used in the past to help get me through rough anxious spells are chatting with my best friend, taking a walk or writing. Lately I’ve been thinking about resetting my passion for photography, I think that would really aid in taking my mind off the chatter surrounding my partners recovery.
Speaking of meditation; I just recently (yesterday) downloaded a meditation app to help relieve the negative chatter I experience at night.
The ever present “is he okay, is he thinking of relapsing, is he alone, does he have access to a vehicle to go get liquor?” Questions that seem to creep into consciousness while rest is needed.
Hi @LexiNico I can totally totally relate but @jane said something super helpful to me. That was we never know what will come in any of our relationships. Even if your partner didn’t have an addiction there could be another issue that pops up. The work you’re doing together is more than a lot of couples do in a lifetime and will help you grow. I really believe if you’re both putting in the work it is a good sign. I think the guidance around boundaries is critical though like for me if my partner stops doing the work and returns to alcohol.ill be done. It’s my hard line. Make sure you’re clear in your heart and mind.abojt what your limits are. If the anxiety you feel starts impacting your everyday life to the point where your health is suffering I think you need to really think about that and whether it’s manageable for you. I hope that helps! It helps me to write it.down and.to know that there are.others having the same.worried thoughts. I’d love to keep connected to hear what has been helping you.
Thank you so much! I often forget that there will be worries and anxiety to a degree in any relationship just because I feel like the anxiousness I feel is not understandable by people who aren’t going through the same situations. But that is why I’m grateful to have you all to share with.
I really appreciate you writing me.
@LexiNico one more thing I wanted to say is that a lot of people have an opinion about dating someone who has an addiction. I also had to learn to block those things out and be true to me.
Absolutely agreed! I learned to stop talking about my partners struggles so detailed with certain people in my life because they didn’t understand. I got tired of feeling shamed and looked down on whenever I would stay through a rough spell. Sometimes we just need someone to vent to, we don’t need advice. And we especially don’t need judgement and ridicule for staying with someone who’s struggling with addiction. I understand and know now, whom I can and cannot open up to in regards to my own worries and struggles regarding my partners addiction. Which is just another reason why I am loving and enjoying this website and the community here.
I’m in the exact same situation. My husband has relapsed or slipped the last couple of summers. The last two slips he has been honest about right away. But this time of year is always a big trigger for me and I’m on high alert. What helps me is being able to communicate my feelings with my husband. Just like I know his triggers, he knows mine. We’re both recovering in our own ways from huge trauma. So when I’m getting anxious and fearing relapse simply because of the time of year, he know what I need from him - more communication, honesty, transparency and understanding. He knows that just because I feel this way doesn’t mean that I think he will relapse or that I’m ignoring all the hard work that we’ve put into our health and relationship. And that’s important.