My S/O was 5 months sober yesterday. Boy has it been a tough 5 months. How can I tell if he’s acting like a dry drunk? Also, how can I navigate my own emotions, so that i’m not overly obsessive with each and every emotional response he has?
I feel like both of our emotions are taking a toll on our relationship. They are so up and down on both ends. He’s trying to get his license back and has had to jump through every hoop possible to make that happen. Because of this he’s been a bit of a roller coaster emotionally. One minute he’s positive and hopeful , the next he’s negative and complaining and almost ungrateful. I guess i don’t get what he expects. He had 2 DUIs! It’s not going to be a piece of cake.
I cry at the drop of a hat lately which doesn’t help. A lot of my crying has to do with sheer fear that these negative responses and attitudes will lead him to a relapse. In the past, he’d become more negative leading up to a relapse. I have been through so much trauma as a result of his alcoholism that I’m an emotional wreck at times. which in turn is starting to annoy him.
Today, he was being exceptionally negative after the Secretary of State (which he’s been there four times in the past two weeks) told him he had to take a driver’s test. Lots of negative talk about how much money this has costed him, how much jumping through hoops he’s had to go through, and maybe he won’t even get the license after all this. This kind of talk really gets to me, because in the past it meant a relapse was on the horizon. I decided to call him out of fear that he was about to drink. He said he’d call me when he got inside the house. When he didn’t call back, I texted him if he was home. At that point, he called me and blew up on me that he just walked in the door and i’m already hammering him with questions. I started to cry. He was very insensitive to my crying and said it seems like that’s all I do lately. He told me that it’s ok to be frustrated and that doesn’t mean he’s going to drink. He said I might as well come out and ask him exactly what i’m thinking…”Are you going to go drink?”
Idk maybe i’m way to attentive to all of his emotional responses, but i feel like the negativity and mood changes is a sign that he’s not completely living to the AA program standards. But, he’s right… it is ok to feel frustrated. But the way he yelled at me today really made me feel like shit and left me feeling like i shouldn’t have even called him. I feel like my emotional responses are annoying him more and more.
Any advice? I’m worried my overly emotional responses are pushing him away and making him angry. Or is this behavior really a case of a dry drunk and nothing to do with me? Maybe I need to shift the focus to myself at the moment, but I struggle with that when I feel things are shaky. i’ve been through a lot too!! He has no idea what it felt like on my end of the table during those awful alcoholic episodes. For the past five years, i’ve literally navigated through constant unknowns, near death experiences, verbal abuse, relapse after relapse, literally witnessing a person become a shell of what they once were, umpteen rehab visits and stays, countless detoxes, turmoil, chaos, etc. I just want some sympathy and understanding from him. I want to be able to cry. But, i also want to heal and handle my own emotions better too.