How do I cope with his slip?

worries
recovery
relationship

#1

It’s 4am and my boyfriend and I were texting and he just confessed to a slip from about 1 week ago. He had used adderall and got kicked out of the recovery halfway house he was at for three days. He stayed with me one night but my roommate didn’t want him there so he went to stay with a friend the next night. He just told me that night that he used Fentanyl (just that one time) and got caught up with the police and has an upcoming court date for it. After his 3 days were up he went back to recovery and has been sober since.

I don’t know how to cope with this slip. I told him that I was proud of him for finding himself back in recovery and having the strength and courage to do so. But deep down I’m feeling so heartbroken. I’m feeling regretful for not having him stay at my apartment even though my roommate was against it. (I know that I shouldn’t blame myself but I feel like this wouldn’t have happened if I just let him stay-it was a rough night for both of us with him leaving). I’m also very upset that he didn’t tell me about his slip sooner. He has lied to me again and again about little details that clearly didn’t add up.

I’m moreso just venting and trying to sort my thoughts. But I do want to know how to deal with this slip. His life is so difficult and it’s affecting me.


#2

It’s so hard. My husband has been doing well in recovery for a few years no, but he still slips. And then I go back into those questions of “how do I trust him, what am I doing, can I keep doing this, etc”.

How do I cope? I focus on the positives. I hold on to the truths - he confessed. He admitted it. He’s back in recovery. I focus on the progress - we’re stronger than we were a few years ago. We’ve survived worse. We have grown resilient. I focus on the present - he is clean right now. We are safe. He is safe. There are still small moments every day to be grateful for. I take care of myself - go to Al-Anon meetings, find like-minded community, read, journal, meditate, yoga. I check in with him and ask how I can support him without trying to control his recovery. I take it one day at a time and know that no matter what, it’s going to be okay.

This too shall pass! Keep us posted on how you’re doing. :pray:t4::sparkles:


#3

@momentsandlight Great Advice! I also really struggle with this. My boyfriend of 10 years hasn’t really had a long run to full sobriety yet so we still have a lot of healing to do. He’s quit his drug of choice (opiates) but is cross using alcohol, Xanax and at times cocaine. He goes to outpatient with therapy/counseling and I see some progress but I’m rightfully feeling this is not enough. I’m trying to give him time and space because quitting opiates is a big step. I remind myself addiction is a disease and isn’t just “cured”. As triggering a relapse or using behavior can be I just try and focus on myself and my needs and not let myself become obsessed and focused on his using. Easier said then done , right? I’ve been to Al-anon it’s helpful. Also really enjoying this community.