Everything is going great, then you find an empty bottle of vodka - how do you handle it?

recovery
alcohol
husband

#1

So I’ve been really impressed with how my husband has been handling stress and life lately! It’s a clear improvement on years passed. He’s been so level headed and self-confident and supportive of me.

But then I find a bottle. A medium sized bottle of vodka. Empty. And I’m like heart drops, then heart rate rises as my level of alertness escalates and I’m just thinking… WTF and when is this from? And why?

I know it’s just a bump and the trend in coping behaviors is positive but it can be so frustrating to find these.

Anyone else know what I’m talking about :slight_smile: and felt this - like everything’s great then…err. WTF! ?
How do you handle these speed bumps?


#2

I absolutely know what you are talking about. Recently we’ve worked through these moments really well. I keep reminding myself connection is the opposite of addiction, especially in those moments when I find a bottle, but nothing has triggered a fight, I focus on compassion, listening and supporting him.

And then there is today. He has been doing so well. I knew we had an off week relating but didn’t realize he was drinking again and I mouthed off when I walked in the door from work yesterday. The fight was bad. I have seen signs of him today, but he’s still not talking to me. It sucks.


#4

This has happened again and again with my mom. A few months ago my brother’s new girlfriend was visiting and my mom was unpacking a bag of blankets for them to use to sleep with, and as she whips out a blanket, underneath it you see an empty bottle in plain view. She reacted as if she didn’t know what it was, and nervously laughed… my brother’s girlfriend laughed about it too, but I felt extremely awkward that that happened in front of her . . . at that point, she had only met my mom recently. I got super silent and anxiety ensued. I let that one time slide because we had a guest over, but it is extremely hard for me to do that because the absence of my confrontation makes me feel like I am enabling her behavior.


#3

I have to keep reminding myself of this, too - like a mantra.

bart-simpson-generator

When I want to be mad/frustrated/hurried/etc, how can I slow myself down & communicate to connect?!