Any suggestions on how to handle a slip-up - which may lead to my son's license may getting taken away and I'm fearing more of a backslide if it does? Prayers needed

alcohol
#1

Hello my name is Denise,
My son has been an alcoholic for 10 years, having 3 to 4 pints of hard liquor a day. We struggled through that 10 years, it was very hard. The Village helped me, the last three to four years, this is an awesome site by the way.

Anyway, today what brings me here is… my son had a DUI 6 years ago. He never finished it up, chose to drive a bike instead of handling the issues and knowing he couldn’t drink if he drove. So anyway a year ago he came to me and wanted to get his license back and to stop drinking. Well we did get his license back, with the blow thing in the car that analyzes alcohol on your breath. Well a year ago obviously he wasn’t completely prepared to stop drinking but was smart enough to ask questions from friends and other family members how long it took to get alcohol out of his system so he could start the car.

Well due to bad advice he ended up blowing 6: dirty blows. It was because he would drink, then sleep the night, try to get up and go to work in the morning feeling sober but still had the alcohol on his breath from the night before.

So we got a letter in the mail today, we’ve got to go to see if they’re going to let him keep his license or take it away.

On May 20th my son hit rock bottom and tried to end his own life because of alcohol. From that day forward he stopped drinking, had a few slip-ups but is now on the road to recovery with drug and alcohol classes and AA and has not had any more dirty blows, but they’re still wanting to maybe take his license away.

I need prayers that I can be a good advocate for my son and let them know that he tried so very hard and if they take his license away I’m afraid he will give up and go back to drinking and get back on the bike.

He is such an awesome kid and is learning lessons left and right but this would be a blow to the soul. Give me strength Lord because today I fight for my son tooth and nail wish me luck guys pray for me and my son Ronnie thank you Village you are awesome.

#4

(((Hugs))) - my hubs had the blow and go for a year - he’d actually already been clean and sober for a while before it was installed, but it was part of the consequences of his previous run ins with the law.

I would encourage you to support him with positive reinforcement, letting him know he’s not alone, and that some times our pasts can come back up at a later time - hopefully he can plead his case (perhaps his sponsor can speak for him at the administrative hearing if there is one) and they will take into account his sobriety now.

If not, well, part of recovery is living life on lifes’ terms - and there’s valuable lessons in that too.

<3

erin

#5

Thanks so much for sharing your experience @ErinHill - definitely helpful to hear from someone who’s seen it before <3

#2

Thanks for sharing @Denise_Alarid. You are definitely not the only one who’s been in this situation and it’d be super helpful to hear what others have to share from their experiences with alcohol / breathalyzers / cars etc.

I know you’re in the thick of it, and you’re preparing yourself for things to get tougher before they get better if he gets more disrupted. I just want to be the voice that says - take deep breaths, remember 1 day at a time as a mantra, and that some times the big worries we have over situations, with a little time, iron themselves out.

Sometimes because we are so used to being in crisis mode it’s hard to get out of. Remember, we’re in this for the long run and that your health and wellbeing matters and puts you in the best place to help others.

We’ll be sending love and self-care your way <3 keep breathing. When you remember, take 7 deep breaths.

#3

Wondering how you got on here @Denise_Alarid?

One thought I had, is remember that natural consequences can be a great teacher to our loved ones. Letting natural consequences play out following their actions can teach them how to be a part of society.

It doesn’t mean stopping your love and support of him, it just means that it doesn’t have to be your responsibility to shield him from the consequences of his actions, and that these may actually help him internalize a lesson. I really do know how it feels to want to shield our loved ones from pain, they are already feeling so much of it. But maybe a way to counterbalance the license thing is to let it play out and heavy up on the positive reinforcement for other things he’s doing well…attending meetings, jobs etc.

Just sharing another way to frame the situation.

And I know the tough part of this is that we know we’ll feel a lot of pain and have a lot more pain / work to go through should they backslide - totally get that !

#6

Thank you for confiding in us @Denise_Alarid. I’m really glad you’ve found safety with Village.

Want to check in here. How are you? Your son? What updates do you have from the past few weeks?

#7

Hi Denise ,

SO one of the biggest lessons I learned while attending a family weekend, was to stop. Stop paying my rent, stop paying my fines, stop paying my lawyer , stop getting me new clothes because Im going to detox for the 99th time and this time I promise Ill get it right…ect

This was said to a room full of parents, some who were newborns to this others were seasoned vets. It was hard to hear, because I was the parent , bailing my kids outta jail, paying for lawyers, and so on.

They all said its until we have to face the consequences of our actions we will just continue to mess up , WHY? well because you keep fixing it.
But please never stop loving me .

Always here if you need an ear
Kris Perry Long
Recovery Coach & Advocate
Ambrosia Treatment Center
508-212-7206

#8

How did this end up working out @Denise_Alarid love to hear what worked and didn’t do we can all learn from your experience.

Sending <3