My husband is now just over 90 days clean. He was in rehab for 7 weeks and is on his last week of IOP. He just moved back home after staying in a sober house for a little while. Things are not easy right now and it is simply because of my expectations/needs/triggers and his lack of awareness/motivation/care/responsibility. This is what I mean: He forgets to lock the front door when he comes in. He leaves a mess everywhere he goes (dirty clothes everywhere, food messes, general inorganization, and garbage). He doesn’t take care of his things (especially his vehicle). He left the stove on last night. He also thinks that even though my sleep is insanely disturbed, it’s okay for him to have the TV on (I sleep with an eye mask and ear plugs, that’s how seriously difficult it is for me to sleep). He doesn’t put the toilet seat down when he’s finished because he says, “well I have to put it up.”
And all of this is making me nag on him every day, every moment, about something. I wish I could not care about these things but like I do. He has always been this way, but he also has always been an addict. I don’t know how to address this with him any longer and I know if things continue this way and I don’t figure out how to handle it, my actions will cause some sort of reaction in him. I do not want that, but I do not know how to stop, how to address these things or if I should even address them at all right now. Thank you for any guidance you can offer.