A lot has happened over the course of a year and I found out that our entire first year together, he was using and I didn’t even know - despite all of the signs I naively turned my head away from. He went into Rehab in early October, got out in 30 days, and is currently in a halfway house up North, which he tells me he enjoys. The first week he was in the house, we talked on the phone every night and it lead to us arguing with him about something he did that caused me great pain. That happened a few times and eventually, he would tell me that he would call in 30 minutes or so… then wouldn’t. I would be upset, texting him, telling him I’d like for him to call me when he said he would. And another hour would go by, This happened a few times until we got on the phone screaming at each other, to which he said he didn’t care that I was waiting.
One night he just didn’t respond at all, and I really thought he was ghosting me. I sent him that “feeling” paragraph and got the next day’s text, “The F…ing internet was out.” that was all. (phone broke, on fb messenger). I realized that my emotional outbursts are reason enough for cravings and relaps so I texted him telling him that I’d be stepping back because he was distant and that was okay, told him I’d be here when he got out and that I loved him… I sent that because I thought that’s what he needed, not because I like not speaking to him. It’s been hard not talking to him and I thought if he missed me, he would send me an occasional message or two… but didn’t. I texted him the day after thanksgiving, was sad he never reached out that day but I was too uncomfortable to message him first. i reached out the day after and he just told me what was going on there briefly, didn’t ask about me, seemed dry. Did this it every 3 days a couple of times. I reach out to check in, never the other way and I feel disheartened. I know this may be selfish but I can’t just turn off how I feel, so I’m asking for outsider input. I know he is fully focused on recovery, but I took care of this man selflessly for a year and struggled financially and emotionally for that. Now there’s no one here to take care of me when I’m in our apartment alone, all the struggles here, and he won’t even talk to me unless I pester him for a couple of shallow words.