A counselor once told me that boundaries can be flexible, and that really helped me understand them. What is the purpose of the boundary you are setting? Is it achieving that purpose? It’s ok to adjust it, just like any goal.
For instance, my husband and have financial boundaries so we aren’t spending more than we can afford or that we feel comfortable with for our 24-year-old son. Just like following a budget, it keeps us on track.
I have emotional boundaries where I don’t always want to know the details of my son’s latest problems. For instance, he told me he got bad news and I replied, I have faith that you’ll be able to get through whatever is happening. I didn’t ask for details at that moment. It gives him and me some space where I am not obsessing about his problems.
My husband and I help our son problem solve and think through situations, and how to handle consequences. He has a hard time seeing reality clearly sometimes. He is probably being kicked out of his apartment for being late with rent (that was the bad news this time), and we will help him brainstorm ideas. The brain is not fully functional when addiction is involved - that has been my experience.