After work yesterday I was walking to meet my husband to see a new apartment when he called and said he felt “odd”. I haven’t had a call like this in a while…a long while. I said just come and meet me and tried to ask him some questions about what he’d been doing today while I was at work which he wouldn’t answer. Then he said something I’m very familiar with “I feel like I’m in a movie”. This is code for cocaine paranoia. My heart sank.
I went to see the apartment on my own. Then walked home feeling a sense of dread about not knowing what I’m about to walk into.
Imagine my surprise when he’s not on drugs, he’s not strung out, just a little quiet but very able to communicate with me. He feels frustrated at himself - why isn’t he doing the things he should be doing? Why is he so bad at life admin? Why can’t he get motivated?
I don’t know the answers but I’m so glad he’s talking to me. I said - let’s not worry tonight, how about tomorrow afternoon we’ll sit down and work through some of it together and at least make a plan.
Some of the things he hasn’t done he’d said he’d handle a while back and I’d been reminding him about and he said he’s got them. I can’t keep track of everything he should be doing so my idea of natural consequences is to help when asked but when he outright says he’s got it and to stop nagging, I do.
Has anyone else had this experience? 1 where behavior you’re familiar with and associate with drug use actually isn’t solely about the drug use? And 2 where your loved one in recovery is trying and wants to get back into day to day life stuff and just struggles to? Any tips on what helped you and your loved one with #2 would be greatly appreciated.
I think we need a coach for him someone to help with motivation and accountability and positivity. Has anyone had anything like this that’s worked? Or do you think it would be useful to you? He says I’m good at it but I can’t be the sole person for him in every way (though today I’ll help give a kickstart!)