What wins and worries are on your mind this week? [9.25.19-10.2.19]

self-care
#1

What’s your current state of mind? Wins, Worries, this is the place to freely share what’s on your mind this week. We’d love to hear it!

And remember, you never know how your share might help this week!

#2

Wins: My husband signed up for a recovery coaching call for next week and actually seems to be looking forward to it. We had a really good chat about treatment this weekend, but since then it’s been tough so, this feels like a HUGE win and a step in the right direction :raised_hands:

Worries: Because my husband was drinking pretty heavily while I was out of town, I just generally worry that he won’t string together any sober days over the next week. Sober days feel like my days off and those are the days I feel like I am in a connected, loving relationship, without the addiction being a wedge between us.

#4

I agree, I think this is a huge win for both of us and am excited to see what the next few days will bring.

This was an ongoing conversation that spanned several months and got better as I used different skills to bring it up. I used to scream at him to “get help” when I got really frustrated (as helpful as you would imagine) and we might look up something online and think about it for a few days or two but it never went anywhere. I largely put the onus on him to find something that would work and he just isn’t in the place to do that yet. So over the last several months, I started finding resources for him that I thought would be helpful. I told him about some positive sober social media accounts to follow, I started sending him posts and blogs that I thought would resonate, and just asking him how he felt about his substance use. Every time I heard my husband mention feeling tired of feeling like this, I took the opportunity to ask him questions about what he would like to see change and eventually, what options he might be willing to try. I made a list of resources, signed up for online support groups, looked at his insurance, and when he was ready, we discussed which steps sounded the best right now. I used hangovers as an “in” to these conversations because when he’s feeling his worst, he’s most likely to try something new.
I also reached out to two friends and asked that they mention the idea of some form of treatment to him in conversation. They both mentioned something different and both of those options seemed more intimidating than recovery coaching, so I think this helped him see which options felt more comfortable right now. I think he is at the place where he knows he needs help, but I can tell he’s scared of needing too much, or too intensive help. So we will try this and see how it goes. Every step in the right direction gives me hope that even if this isn’t THE answer, it is getting us closer to where we need to be.

#3

Thank you for sharing @Tlee22 ! it’s great for all Village members to hear the progress you’ve been making together, knowing that every journey has bumps in the road - having those wins helps us keep going.

It’s a huge win that he is even open to the recovery coaching call - let alone looking forward to it! - and that is absolutely a testament to your relationship and the work you’ve been putting in to it with the tools to tolerate the ups and downs, and proactively take those windows of opportunity to turn them into action towards positive changes.

Another experiment in the recovery journey to see what works for him, hopefully one to catapult more forward momentum! You’ll have to let us all know how it works for him. And in the mean time, keep taking extra care of Y O U :slight_smile: you’re doing SO great.

Also - for other members interested in having their loved one try talking with a recovery coach, do you have any tips on how they might suggest or encourage it? I know a few other members here would love to be in your spot but are having a hard time communicating about it with their loved ones right now. We’d love to hear any tips that have been effective for you!

(For any other Village members interested in recovery coaching for your loved one, you can see more HERE.)

#5

Thank you for explaining and capturing this so beautifully - so so hopeful and helpful for us all to see how the process is unfolding for you :slight_smile: