What wins and worries are on your mind this week? [7.10.19-7.17.19]

worries
wins

#1

What’s your current state of mind? Wins, Worries, this is the place to freely share what’s on your mind this week. We’d love to hear it!

And remember, you never know how your share might help this week!


#2

Win: I started a second job recently that is working toward my future and getting into medical school.

Worry: Today I woke up with anxiety over the things my boyfriend did in addiction and how they did and still do affect me. But more so… my anxiety today has been fear of the possibility for him to relapse.

I’m trying to talk to him about it so he can help me through this angst. But he just tells me to not worry about the past or future. To stay center with the present. Which is easier said than done.


#4

Thanks for sharing @LexiNico wondering if you have any self care practices that you’ve found have worked for the anxiety? Love to here what works for you and share a few that work for me :slight_smile:

I know when my husband was in early recovery he really wanted to focus forward and not back or on the chances of relapse because he was putting 100%++ of his focus on his healing, it’s a lot of work so I get it. And I also get where you are coming from. Hopefully we can be an extra support system for you through this <3


#3

Win: I upheld my boundaries around my boyfriend’s addictive behavior (he used meth and had sex with a few sex workers, one of many relapses/slips in the last few months), and I chose to leave the relationship for good. Still processing, but intuitively I know it is the right decision. I recently read “Rational Recovery” by Jack Trimpey, and it changed my whole perspective on addiction being a choice vs. a disease. I see the deliberate choices he made to seek the pleasure of using instead of choosing to stay abstinent and have a life together.

Worry: We’ve broken up and gotten back together a few times, and I have some fear around actually healing and moving on with my life, and saying no to ever going back to the relationship. I’m getting a lot of coaching from my life coach, which is really helpful, and going to SMART family/friends meetings, and I’m making plans with friends. I know that just as my ex has a choice to never use again, I have a choice to move on and never go back. It’s not easy, but it is pretty ‘simple’.


#6

@jane this week I have found writing a list of at least 3 things I’m grateful for in the day has helped me shift my focus on negatives and worries and thinking to become more positive and focusing on the “now”. I have also made sure to communicate with my boyfriend so he is aware of my struggles and can help me through it. It has helped tremendously for this week.


#5

Thanks so much for sharing @Karilyn, how has your weekend been going?
Love to hear some more soundbites from the book and what resonated with you?

Not easy at all :slight_smile: but glad it sounds like you’re taking action to get good support systems around you <3


#8

I love the gratitude list :slight_smile: it’s definitely helped me too :slight_smile:


#7

@jane Thanks, it’s been fine. Went to the beach with friends, had some coaching sessions this week, and giving myself time/space to process.

I don’t have the book anymore, I left it at his place, maybe he’ll read it someday :wink: But what resonated with me was that it comes down to making a decision and sticking to it. Then learning to recognize the “addictive voice”, and know that “it” is not YOU. You can choose to act on the urges of the addictive voice or not. Of course there’s a whole book on it so there’s so much more, but the main takeaway for me was personal responsibility. If we keep thinking we’re powerless against a disease, then why make the effort to change? Why decide to be done with it forever if you believe that relapse is inevitable and you can be sober until you’re not, then go back to being sober again? We’re not powerless when it comes to our decisions and our actions.


#9

Thanks for sharing @Karilyn - awesome you got to the beach with friends - both really good for the soul :sun_with_face:

I like the sound of the book takeaway. There certainly are aspects to addiction that make it harder than one might think to overcome (brain hijacking) BUT I do believe in the power of taking action and shaping actions and it’s something that can be overcome. Traditionally, I believe, that too many narratives around addiction have taken away too much of our power (the friends and family, and the person struggling with it.)