How is February kicking off for you so far? What’s your current state of mind? Wins, Worries, this is the place to freely share what’s on your mind this week. We’d love to hear it!
And remember, you never know how your share might help this week!
What wins and worries are on your mind this week? [2.12.20-2.19.20]
horton75
#2
My husband recently let me know that after 7 months of sobriety from alcohol, he’d like to try and start drinking “like an adult” in certain situations where it seems appropriate. He tried moderating his drinking for two years and that didn’t work. He has been in therapy for over two years and outpatient treatment since last June. I let him know I’m not willing to go back to that life with him drinking on occasion as I know it will eventually lead to disaster. He says I’m controlling him by saying that but we have two children together and I will not expose them to his abusing alcohol any longer. I want to keep my family intact but know I’m at my limit and can never go back to that life of fear, anxiety and uncertainty. I now feel scared not knowing what is going to happen or what he’ll “decide” but I know I need to keep the focus on me and my children.
Wins: My husband and I are getting ready to move across the country to be closer to my family and for warmer weather, mountains, and palm trees! 
I’m very excited for this next chapter. The gray, miserable cold where I live has affected us every winter, bringing in slips and depression and frustration. We’re ready for a change.
Worries: Change is scary. I’m feeling overwhelmed by all of the to-do’s. Neither of us have ever lived in a different state. We don’t know anyone else there besides my family. What if the transition makes him relapse?
Trying to remember our resilience, and that it will all be ok no matter what happens. The move feels right, and we’re not letting fear stop us.
Jess
#4
This is a tough one. In my experience when my S/O starts talking like that it’s often a sign that a relapse is coming or he is having reservations of doing the work of recovery. He tried to “drink like a normal person“ all last summer. It didn’t work. He was going through IOP at the time, trying to start a new job, all while playing around with drinking beers and seltzer’s at summer events. Well the beers and seltzer’s ended up turning into Vodka and by fall we were in another full blown situation. I hate to say this, but I had to let him do it. He needed to learn on his own what worked and didn’t work for him even if that meant falling flat on his face. The more I tried to control the situation and/or his drinking, the longer it took to get to the inevitable. By December he was so full blown that he ended up in rehab in full blown detox extremely ill as we drove there. I guess what I’m saying is we really can’t control what our loved ones choose to do. We can really only control what we do with the situation. I’ve learned this the hard way and I’m still learning. It might be helpful to think about what you will and will not tolerate for yourself and your children. What will you do to take care of yourself and children if he decides to drink again? Also maybe have a conversation to find out where he is with his thought processes. Maybe ask him why he feels the need to drink again? Find out what reservations he is having with being completely sober and/or recovery? What are his goals for his recovery? Is he attending meetings or therapy? I have personally found this site, Alanon, recovery Dharma, reading books about the topic, and meditation to be very helpful in dealing with these situations as they arise. My S/O is currently almost 50 days sober. I’m still scared shitless. Every day. Hope your husband chooses not to go down that path, but recovery is not always a straight path.