What wins and worries are on your mind this week? [10.2.19-10.9.19]

wins
worries

#1

What’s your current state of mind? Wins, Worries, this is the place to freely share what’s on your mind this week. We’d love to hear it!

And remember, you never know how your share might help this week!


#2

I was talking with my husband last night and he said that this year’s trip to be with family over Christmas and in February when we moved closer to a Park (nice new building and apartment) are the first times the voice in his head thinking about cocaine quietened down. He said ‘voice quietening’ is the best way to put it…Like until those times it was loud enough to maybe get convinced, or actively have to quieten it.
For context:
This Christmas was 3 years in recovery
Til now: It’s been 4 years and there’s still that voice
It’s absolutely wild to me how hard it is for these people to stop once addicted.
Sharing this as a win for my husband and I to have made it this far, and also to reflect to all members that it is possible but not easy!
Also, to share some feelings on the matter - it does make me wonder, our relationship grew during this addiction time and we even got married during it…how will that set us up for partnership success or failure I wonder. Only time will tell!


#3

Wins: Monday was the first day my husband did not take any suboxone! He is down to very small amounts every other day. Side effects starting kicking in last night - he actually went to bed before me which was a first - but was super restless and ended up sleeping on the couch because of his restless legs. He is going to start taking magnesium for the restlessness and I even shared with him some yoga poses that may help.

Another win - I told him this morning how awesome it was that he got to bed at a decent time last night and he told me he was just listening to his body. Something that he has really never done - he used to fall asleep standing up because his brain would refuse to listen to his body’s cues. He mentioned that maybe his brain is just tired now too. It got me thinking - it almost as if drugs had hijacked his brain for so long. He’s finally freeing himself.

Not so much a worry but I’ve noticed that even positive behavior changes can be kind of scary. Change of any kind is another sharp turn into the unknown. Will this last? Trying NOT to focus on that question and instead just be grateful for the present moment. I am worthy of abundance.


#4

Wins: My husband’s first recovery coaching call went REALLY well and he is scheduled for next week. I am feeling so proud and hopeful and I think he’s pretty excited about the added support. It feels like a big important step on our journey!

Worry: I echo @momentsandlight’s worry here. Every time there is a glimpse of progress, I feel myself almost afraid to exhale. I can easily spend time overthinking things, speculating about how long it will last, bracing myself for disappointment, basically going through all the emotions that come with loving someone struggling with addiction.
@polly It really is amazing to think of the amount of time it takes for that quieting to occur. It puts into perspective for me how much it takes to overcome addiction and remembering that is crucial for me so I don’t worry as much about the slips. I’ve wondered too about what my relationship will look like without having active addiction as a third partner. Sometimes I worry my expectations about that are going to be too high and I’m going to feel disappointed if things aren’t miraculously perfect, even though I know they won’t be.

To keep myself from spending too much time focusing on my worries, I have been journaling every morning and trying to really understand what these emotions are telling me. I’m also reminding myself that I can have worries without attaching to them. Like everything, it’s a work in progress.


#5

My win and worry right now are two sides of the same coin, I think. My win is that I’ve been able to recognize and assert some boundaries that I need with my partner.

My worry is that they won’t be respected. Sometimes she has been responding with confusion and anger when I assert a boundary, and then I feel guilty, but I am trying hard not to respond from that feeling. I’m trying to keep in mind that my partner has a history of relational trauma, abuse, unhealthy relationships and really doesn’t know how to have her own boundaries, though I’ve tried to encourage her to think more about she wants and needs for herself. So in that context, it makes sense that a partner’s boundaries could feel unfamiliar or threatening. Honestly, growing up with a family in which family dynamics often revolved around outbursts of emotion, for the longest time I thought not having boundaries was just how people loved and cared for each other! So yeah, I’m identifying boundaries and working to assert them and stand by them even when it’s uncomfortable and challenging.


#6

Thanks so much for sharing @equanimity boundaries can feel like an illusive quality. Would you be open to sharing what kind of boundaries you’re working on? I’m sure many members here can relate and maybe able to share similar experiences with you on it.

Have you thought about joining this week’s meetup which is focused on exactly this topic? More info and RSVP HERE.