What do you want your loved one to know this week?

communication

#1

If you could say any one thing to your loved one this week, what would it be? No holds barred.

Maybe you want them to know you love them unconditionally, or you’re so mad it hurts, or you wish they wouldn’t do that one freakin’ annoying thing when they’re drunk, or you want to tell them you got a promotion.

We won’t tell them… but maybe Village Coach @erica could help turn that thing you want to say into an piece of communication to be effectively received by your loved one!


#2

I would like to be able to tell my son how his addiction has totally drained the life out of me. We have been on this road of “hell” for so very long. I have found myself forgetting about self care and I feel totally exhausted and so full of anger and bitterness. I have to regroup and get a reprieve.


#4

Hey @Denise thanks for sharing! It can be so helpful to get out what we really want to say like you have! Then, we can try and reframe it so you can get what you want to say across in a way that your son can hopefully receive it. Here is a way you could convey this to him in a more positive framework:

“Our fights over using have upset this family for a long time (sharing responsibility). I love you (“I” statement with your feeling/positive) so when I see you go down a negative path I get concerned and overwhelmed (feeling). I know it’s been hard for you to stop (understanding), but I can’t handle what’s going on, and I need to make some changes in my life (“I” statement). I’m going to take a step back so I can regroup and then hopefully we can work together on ways to better manage your situation (being specific/offering to help).”

Let me know what you think. Role-playing can be really helpful, it’s all about brainstorming and finding what works best for you and feel the most authentic :slight_smile:


#6

Denise - I feel ya. Its a horrible place to be and I too need to regroup. It takes such a huge toll on us. My son knows what it does to me, but he still can’t control himself. Grateful to be here among other people who get it.


#3

I want to tell him that i really love him,and i still believe in him. It does hurt when is avoiding me this way …


#5

Hey @Mona! This looks great to me :slight_smile:
Maybe this could work too:
“I really love you and believe in you (“I” statement with feelings/positive). I feel hurt when you avoid me (feeling/specific) and understand you may avoid me because of how I’ve reacted in the past (accepting partial responsibility) or because you may be afraid to let me know what’s going on (understanding). What can I do to help you feel like you don’t need to avoid me (offering to help)”?

How does this sound? It’s great you started out on a positive tone!


#7

I am grateful to see this question on here, as I’ve tried to have a lot of conversations that just don’t seem to get through, though I know people can’t know or understand things till they do - you can’t make them understand.

I wish so badly that my partner could understand how cut off she is from her relationships, the world, even knowing herself through substance abuse. Feeling free and not feeling trapped are important to her and she resists feeling limited by people or circumstances, but she doesn’t realize how much her use limits her perceptions and choices, her ability to have a full and fulfilling life.