My husband and I have been together for a year. I have been in recovery twice. He keeps using and it makes us fight all the time. He uses methamphetamine about 2 to 3 times week sometimes more. He says he want to be sober. What he doesn’t think it’s a problem but the problem is that it’s still there. He says that because he used to be slot worse like everyday and chasing his high. The last time he was sober for 2 weeks. Well he started using again this week. It is so hard to find away for us to talk about this. Especially when he does it and is high for days at a time. He says that when he slips up that I should approach him differently. But it’s hard when he keeps doing it and breaking his promises. He has lost so many jobs because of this addiction but he does not see what I see. And says that he loses his job for other reasons. He wants me to also trust him with money and stuff but it’s hard to trust him when he broken it so many times. We are tearing each other and our life apart. Any advise and what I should do would be grateful.
What am i supposed to do?
Hi @Kjordon89,
I just posted an answer to another question that I think is super relevant to yours! Check it out here.
My partner’s drug of choice is meth too. Not fun.
Question: when he says he’d like you to “approach him differently” when he relapses, what does that mean? How are you approaching him now that he says he doesn’t like?
He days that instead of me getting mad to ask him why and have understanding of why he does it. He got high yesterday and this was the 3rd time this week. He doesn’t understand how I truly feel about his use. He does not see it as a problem. He was going to leave last night he didn’t leave until sometime early this morning and I told him last night that he can not be here if he is high. But I picked him up this morning. He says that he thinks that I am cheating on him because no women who was treated so badly would want to be with him. And he says that all I do is point out flaws and bitch about everything he does and that I am not happy with him. I won’t point out flaws I try to explain to him how I feel about all of the stuff he is doing. But he doesn’t see things through my eyes. He he been going to Walmart 3 days in a row and always in the middle if the night. And then he keeps getting high and is a total ass when he is on it. He goes to people’s houses that I have asked him not to go to talks to his girlfriend and I asked him no TV to do that to. And then he takes off with my car and he has no drivers license. He does this clepto thing and steals shit from stores. And then he can’t keep a job lucky he made it through a full week this week. One day I almost had to drag him to work he said he didn’t want to go because we where fighting. There is a lot of stress and anger and sadness that I have about this all. He is killing himself and he can’t see that.
I mean what do I do I have tried everything I tried being nice to him I have tried just being right out blunt and he keeps using it makes me feel like he does not want help and that he does not care about our family cause he keeps using knowing what it does. I told him last night that he could not be here if he was high. Am I supposed to lay down ground rules and regulations and if don’t stick to them he can’t be here. I dont know what to do he has been an addict for 20 years almost.
@Kjordon
So he says that instead of getting mad, he’d like you to ask him why he uses and have an understanding of why he does it.
Have you tried asking him that question? What have you learned about why he uses?
It sounds like he wants to feel understood. And from what you’ve said above (“he doesn’t see things through my eyes”), you want to feel understood too.