Welcome new We The Village Family Study members, let's get to know one another


Hi all. My current partner relapsed on heroin after many years clean. He is currently in MAT and I’m hopeful. He’s gotten clean and sober and had love stretches of recovery time. He has started attending SMART recovery meetings, is going to the gym, is looking for work, is sleeping and eating well, and has scheduled an appointment with a therapist. He’s also agreed to couple’s counseling. I want him to be well with or without me, but I also want to build a future with this person that I love and right now everything is centered around this one thing. I’ve been working from home for 3 weeks while he gets adjusted to the new meds and I’m happy to be a part of his recovery but it also exhausting doing that plus my fulltime job and other life responsibilities.

Overall, every day is a little better than the one before and the hard days I know will pass. I feel grateful that he is alive. I feel grateful that I get to be with him. I feel grateful that my friends and family have been supportive. I am grateful I am working and in therapy. I feel stressed and sad and lonely and overwhelmed too. I know this addiction has nothing to do with me. I know that it doesn’t mean I’m not loved. I know that no addict wants to be addicted. I know help and healing are possible, But I also know that the process is lifelong. I am trying to remember to take time for myself every day. This support group counts.

This is all compounded by the fact that my mom died of an OD when I was 17. I have learned a lot since then about codependency and also about who I want to be as a person. I also know that addiction knows no age, race, or other boundary. It can happen to anyone. My partner and my mom could not be less alike in so many ways, but addiction doesn’t discriminate.

I am looking forward to growing more after spending time in this group.


So glad you’re here @Mchrisos. I think sharing your story will help others grow, as well. You and your loved one have already take such important steps forward. Thanks for sharing!


Hi I’m Brenda. I have a 30yo son who is struggling. I’m dealing with non drug related health problems. I’m happy to share and if I can help others I feel good about myself. It’s better to share than to isolate myself. My son’s doc is heroin but will use and has used it all. I’m not sure that I can help him but realize that I need to help myself. :0(


Hi @Brenda_Allen - I’m glad you’re here. There is most definitely power in sharing our stories. Getting support for yourself is one of the best ways you can help your son. The first step forward is inward.


OMG, just got a call from my son. He’s on parole and has a hot urine. He’s heading into the office. So scared but know that I am helpless. So sad.


@Brenda_Allen - I’m so sorry to hear this! How are you? Are you able to take a walk somewhere, maybe go to a favorite place, clear your head? I know how it feels to get stuck in your thoughts, when your fears become reality and all you can think of are worst case scenarios. Getting stuck in the what-if’s. Trying to stay grounded in the moment can help. Focus on your breathing, listen to a guided meditation on YouTube, just be still and let the feelings pass. Yes, we are powerless over outcomes and cannot force certain things to happen or not happen. But please know that doesn’t make you helpless. Check back in here when you can. Sending love. :pray::sparkles:


Hello my name is Benjamin. My brother is an opiate(heroin) addict of 10 years. It is slowly tearing our family apart. My mother cries every night that she’ll have to speak at his funeral. I know that constantly asking/telling him he needs help is only pushing him farther away from us. I’m here to get our family help on this situation. I’m glad I’m here!


Hi @TT124, welcome! You’re definitely not alone here. My husband is a recovering heroin addict and knowing all the lies that come along with the addiction, I’m happy to hear your loved one has been honest and upfront with you. That’s so great - hold on to that! And your confused feelings following his rehab stay are not uncommon - check out the threads here, here, and here for similar questions and responses.

It’s a tough process, but it’s also an opportunity for you to look inward and identify your own needs and boundaries. Take care of yourself while he takes care of himself. This self-care and self-love will help you better support each other.


So glad you’re here @bqgranite and thanks for sharing <3


I am also not sure how to post on here either. My boyfriend is currently in rehab to recover from a heroin relapse, we met when we was younger and reconnected last year. After a week of talking he dropped a bombshell that he would be going to rehab for 90 days (sept 2019). After his initial 30 days we was able to talk and FaceTime and I felt such a strong feeling for him that I decided I wanted to go visit him, after that visit I knew he had so much potential and I wanted to see this through with him. He came home December 18 everything was great until he started declining. Not taking his meds not doing meetings. First week of February he went in for corrections and failed a drug test in which they sent him him to jail and from there straight back to the rehab he attended last year for another 90 days. I don’t want to turn my back on him but at the same time I have so many goals for this year and his only goal is to be clean, which I respect and encourage all the way through, after his 90 days he will be going into sober living for 6 months which I hope will help. I myself just don’t want to get stuck in my own addiction of saving him.


Hi @bqgranite - how have things been going these past few weeks? I’m so glad you’re here, not only for your brother, but also to find support for yourself and your entire family. I believe addiction is a family disease - not only because it can poison relationships, but because it makes us family members behave differently and sometimes even make us do things we don’t want to do. Is anyone else in your family getting support?


Hi @Amber - you’re in the right place. I’m glad your boyfriend is getting the help he needs. Unfortunately when our loved ones finally ask for support, go into rehab, start treatment, etc., it’s typically not a one-and-done deal. With all of my husband’s ups and downs, slips and relapses, I’ve had to learn how to manage my expectations, and by manage I mean let go of them completely. Recovery is not a straight line, but it is possible!

I hope you don’t have to give up on your goals to support your boyfriend. Is there a way you can still work toward them while being there for him? This is where setting boundaries comes into play - identifying what you will and will not tolerate for your own health and well being, and then sticking to them.

Take care of yourself! Sending love. If you have any questions, post them in this forum. You can also use the Search bar to find discussions on certain topics that you may want to join.


Intro post

I’m Kim. I’ve been in recovery for 12 years. I live with my 16 yr old son.
I’m in a relationship, for the second time, with my sons father, Henry. He is a life long practicing addict who does not want to quit. Rather then accept court ordered rehab he will ask to do additional jail time instead. That’s where his head at. I often suspect it’s just a macho front he’s putting on and that sometimes he would like to quit, but that quite possibly is merely wishful thinking on my part.

About a year ago things got worse. At 53. Henry decides to pick up heroine. Something he’s despised his entire life, he never like how it made him feel. But now he’s on it. This is the first drug I’ve ever heard him say he wants to quit. Yet, the days go on and on. I’m in a twisted relationship that I am having the hardest time getting out of. Being in this relationship feels like i’m on drugs again, It’s so messed up and I’m so caught up in it.

What would I like the outcome of this group be? I want to share my experiences and read others to gain a bit of clarity in my life. As for Henry, of course I’d like to see him clean but since H has been in the mix, I just can’t control that or manage it within my life like I had been without it. What I’d like to see is me out of this relationship.
I’ve been down this road before, 30 years ago, Quite honestly there was nothing anyone could do to help me at my worst. I need to remember this and untangle myself from the chaos that I’m obviously addicted to.

What is good? I’m clean, I know I’m not alone. I believe now matter what things looks like that there is always hope, for him and for myself.

I look forward to getting to know you all. Thank you and may you have a peaceful evening.


There’s no controlling or managing someone else’s addiction. I’ve learned that trying to do that will only make me go crazy. We can only control our own reactions, our own way of thinking.

Hope and gratitude are superpowers as we navigate this road. Glad you’re here, @Kimba!


Hi everyone! I’m here for two people in a way, my mother and brother. My mom became addicted to alcohol, opioids, and benzos when I was in my early teens (15 years ago). She has never sought treatment despite losing custody of her 4 kids, being in and out of jail, and practically losing everyone in her life. Growing up, my childhood was the typical “American dream” - gorgeous parents, stay at home mom, successful dad, me and my brother with the golden retriever and white picket fence. So her addiction was a very foreign concept for my family and nobody knew what to do - especially back then, we had none of the resources that are readily at our fingertips now.

My brother has an opioid addiction as a result of being put on painkillers at a young age for debilitating migraines. I think he was around 8 when they started prescribing them to him. He has been to rehab twice and is currently on suboxone and has weekly therapy/counseling meetings. He’s gotten his life back on track for now which I’m incredibly proud of, but I can never quite tell for sure if he’s using other drugs like benzos and stimulants (which he’s also been to rehab for).

I’ve felt isolated and helpless for over half my life because of my mom’s and brother’s addictions, so I’m beyond grateful to be in this community now and supported by everyone else experiencing something similar. I look forward to connecting with everyone and finding strength and comfort within one another!


Hi @ashrae - So glad you’re here. I hope you find peace, hope, and encouragement through this community. You’re not alone!That’s great you brother has found a treatment plan that includes medication and therapy. My husband was on suboxone alone for a long time, and when he relapsed we learned that recovery requires healing mind, body, and spirit. Please ask questions here and let us know how we can support you!


Hi there. Im Bethany. And my boyfriend is a 23 year old opiate addict. He has ODd twice while with me, and continues to lie about his usage. Ive found every piece of evidence proving he’s using and he still denies. I feel so lost and helpless. This is the man i have planned to marry and grow my family with. And i can’t do that if he continues hiding things from me and lying to me. He’s such a funny, sweet, caring man. But the drugs make him irritable and mean and its slowly killing me. I struggle with severe depression and anxiety and this is throwing me into such a downward spiral, i dont know what to do anymore. Im here to talk to likeminded people, someone with advice, or just someone to listen… im scared.


Hi @BethB17, welcome here. It’s totally normal to feel scared, lost, helpless. You’re in a situation where you may feel like you’ve lost control. Please know that you do have control over your own actions and behaviors, and this, in turn, can help your loved one. What are ways you can take care of yourself right now? What I’ve learned through the whole recover process (my husband is a recovering heroin addict) is that often the first step forward is inward. Once I was able to start taking care of myself, I was able to support my husband from a better, healthier place. I hope you’re able to take some time to explore this site, search for questions, and join in other discussion. There’s a lot of wisdom here.


Hello. My husband and I have been married for 32 years and alcohol has been an everpresent issue. There have been times of abstinence. But I look back now and wonder if they really were… He sneaks, he lies, he behaves badly. He has an executive position which requires us to attend many social gatherings. More often than not they end badly with me mortified. The day after he is remorseful and promises it will never happen again. I’ve heard it so many times I no longer believe it. So many lies… I am discouraged, angry, disillusioned, and losing my respect for him. So far he has managed to keep his job and has not had a DUI. But, things are ramping up and I’m afraid it’s only a matter of time. He does not think he has a problem


I often wonder about staying with my husband if he continues to use for so many years. We are at year 10 and I knew there were issues before, but I thought they were normal because we were young. Do you ever wish you would have not stayed? I know we see the good in these people, even when they can’t see it in themselves, but it’s exhausting. I am so worried I’m codependent and not able to see clearly.