Hi all. My current partner relapsed on heroin after many years clean. He is currently in MAT and I’m hopeful. He’s gotten clean and sober and had love stretches of recovery time. He has started attending SMART recovery meetings, is going to the gym, is looking for work, is sleeping and eating well, and has scheduled an appointment with a therapist. He’s also agreed to couple’s counseling. I want him to be well with or without me, but I also want to build a future with this person that I love and right now everything is centered around this one thing. I’ve been working from home for 3 weeks while he gets adjusted to the new meds and I’m happy to be a part of his recovery but it also exhausting doing that plus my fulltime job and other life responsibilities.
Overall, every day is a little better than the one before and the hard days I know will pass. I feel grateful that he is alive. I feel grateful that I get to be with him. I feel grateful that my friends and family have been supportive. I am grateful I am working and in therapy. I feel stressed and sad and lonely and overwhelmed too. I know this addiction has nothing to do with me. I know that it doesn’t mean I’m not loved. I know that no addict wants to be addicted. I know help and healing are possible, But I also know that the process is lifelong. I am trying to remember to take time for myself every day. This support group counts.
This is all compounded by the fact that my mom died of an OD when I was 17. I have learned a lot since then about codependency and also about who I want to be as a person. I also know that addiction knows no age, race, or other boundary. It can happen to anyone. My partner and my mom could not be less alike in so many ways, but addiction doesn’t discriminate.
I am looking forward to growing more after spending time in this group.