This is exhausting


#1

i am feeling overwhelmed. he agreed to go into medical maintenance treatment and it’s been a hard week. today i felt like this is worse than him using. he’s been great. agreeing to go to the clinic every day, listening, generally just hanging out and taking it a day at a time and i am a mess. i feel like i’m going to break. i am so scared for him. i miss my boyfriend. i want that person back. i want him to be okay even if we split up. i know treatment and addiction are a process and I am grateful right now that he’s agreed to treatment and that he is still alive. but my mind keeps running through all the things: is he just doing this to placate me? does he want to get better? is he just substituting one thing for another? my brain and body are tired.

i know i need to take time for myself, but right now, before things are stable, everything feels so life and death. i went to therapy yesterday. i am here today.

i’m siting on the couch right now working. he’s sitting outside. he’s alive. i hope that’s good enough for today.


#2

Welcome @Mchrisos - Alive is good. Sending love <3


#3

Hi @Mchrisos - Yes, recovery is so exhausting. All the appointments and the check ins and the conversations, trying to make time for self care on top of everyday life. Just take it one thing at a time.

Gratitude is a superpower for sure. And that’s great you’re seeing a therapist. Therapy helped me and my husband a lot through the whole process, especially with setting boundaries, learning effective communication that didn’t turn into a huge fight, and practicing empathy. How’s that going for you?


#4

Hi there. Thanks for this. We start couples counseling on monday. We’re both feeling good about it. We had a great day yesterday that also involved him lying to me about a slip up and when I confronted him I was calm and didn’t yell and explained my position and tried to reestablish some boundaries and I knew I had a choice where I could let it be a set back or I could let it derail everything. I chose the perspective of set back. I know this is a process and I’m trying to adapt rather than control everything. I am trying to not have one outcome in mind and maintain hope tempered by reason. I’m trying to be very mindful and align my gut with my knowledge. I had days where I am so overwhelmed I just break down for a few hours but there are also moments of clarity and peace. So I am still grateful.


#5

Thank goodness for the moments of clarity and peace. I try to remember those during the overwhelming moments - it helps me know that the waves do pass, just gotta ride them out. Keep us updated on how the couples counseling goes! :heart: