The Newcomer's Welcome: What brings you to Village?

welcome
newcomer

#305

My wife has finally gotten sober after 13 years of marriage. But, she came home from rehab with a new man. We have 3 kids and I just don’t know what to do.


#306

Dear Neal, that must be very hard. This is a safe place and I hope you get a chance to connect with the staff about the course, it’s already helping me clarify and calm my somewhat battered heart/brain. Take a deep breath and know that there is hope for you and your children and your wife. :four_leaf_clover: best of luck.


#308

Neal, how are things going for you? There are so many moving parts at this time of year! Yikes! I am glad to hear you will be working with the Course counselors. I am learning to be less of a bitch and more of a sweet mom again for my adult son who struggles with substances. I am learning a new kind of acceptance, and I screw up all the time. My counselor, @Michelle is a fan of “take backs and do overs.” So it sometimes takes me 3 conversations to get my basic point said in a receptive way. I am hoping you find the techniques worthwhile. The kiddos are worth it, and so are you!


#307

Sending out a Warm #WednesdayWelcome to our 7 new members: @Rleekha24 @Beth_Anne_Humphrey @Kaders @Jon_Sundt @eohare @wastebasketpro @Neal_Matthews If you haven’t yet, please take 5 minutes to:

  1. Say ‘hi!’ on this thread & tell us where you’re typing from and how the Community can best support you.
  2. Find one question that you feel comfortable to answer! Every question or answer added honestly makes this place a more valuable resource for all .

And since you’re joining us here in the Village Community, you’re probably ready to try something new that’s proven to work - we hope you’ll try one of our Coach-guided Course options to learn skills that work ( sooner rather than later! ) - proven in NIDA Clinical Trial pilot, and there’s a 7-day free trial available for Community members.

And now’s the perfect time to join, ahead of the festive season and winter!

If you haven’t already: Click HERE TO JOIN THE CLINICALLY PROVEN COURSE


#309

Hello! I joined the community a couple of months ago, and am just now getting around to introducing myself. My name is Renee and I live in South Carolina. I am a 35 year old single mom of two kids, and went through a very painful separation and divorce in 2019, which really isn’t relevant to my addiction journey, but is still pretty central to my identity.

I grew up in Illinois and my parents divorced when I was 17 after years of a high conflict marriage and heavy drinking. I joined the Air Force in 2004 and settled in SC shortly after my enlistment, where my ex-husband’s family is from. When I refused to move back to IL following the divorce, my mom asked if she could move out here with me. After years of therapy I was ready to work on my relationship with her and my younger brother, and to make a long story slightly shorter, my mom, my brother, his wife, and their 3 children relocated to SC (and to my living room) in August of this year. So far, it has been a really positive experience. I feel very close with my brother and his family, and have been beginning to build some closeness with my mom, and we are expecting that everyone will be ready to start looking for houses of their own after the first of the year.

But… (there’s always a but) my mom, my brother, and my sister-in-law all drink to the point of inebriation daily, and experience a lot of the expected relationship conflict that comes with that. The tipping point for me though, has been my mom’s liver biopsy. You see, my mom has a chronic health condition which is very painful for her, and she states that she drinks to control the pain. She recently began experiencing a lot of nausea and vomiting, and other signs of liver disease. She got her biopsy back with a diagnosis of chronic hepatitis with mild steatosis (fatty liver with inflammation- no cirrhosis yet) and she believes this means that her liver problems are caused by her chronic condition (adiposis dolorosa- which needs a whole post of its own) and therefore not impacted by her alcohol consumption.

So, I’m here because I’ve hit a wall. (I also heard about y’all from the In Recovery podcast with Nzginga Harrison.) There are too many potential sources of info and support, some wildly contradictory, and I don’t know where to begin. But I’m angry and scared and thinking maybe moving across the country again isn’t entirely off the table.


#310

Hi @Renee_312 such a lovely introduction, thank you for sharing and joining us here :slight_smile:

Certainly sounds like you’ve done really well for yourself! And so great to have family around, but challenging to have them struggling with their use. I know what it feels like to have those conversations where the substance use is never the problem and everything else is - damn frustrating when it seems so obvious!

Please keep sharing and let us know how we can support you.

And I have to suggest you check out our Course options and let you know I’ll be leading our December Group Course and would love to have you join us!


#311

Thanks so much! I think the hardest part for me is the back and forth. With both my mom and my brother, they will show some interest in at least reducing their consumption, but the desire never really moves into action. I should mention here that I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, and I see many of the same struggles I have in them, just with less self-awareness.

I’m not sure I feel confident in enrolling in another course while my masters program has been moved online and both my kids are doing virtual learning too. But I bought Dr. Meyer’s book and intend to read it before my next semester starts in January. Looking forward to getting to know some people who know the kinds of things I’m dealing with.


#312

Sending out a Warm #WednesdayWelcome to our 8 new members: @neerod @TiffanyB @giulianabruh @JEB @YYF1783 @Tricia @Ivy17 @Bian1981 If you haven’t yet, please take 5 minutes to:

  1. Say ‘hi!’ on this thread & tell us where you’re typing from and how the Community can best support you.
  2. Find one question that you feel comfortable to answer! Every question or answer added honestly makes this place a more valuable resource for all .

And since you’re joining us here in the Village Community, you’re probably ready to try something new that’s proven to work - we hope you’ll try one of our Coach-guided Course options to learn skills that work (sooner rather than later! ) - proven in NIDA Clinical Trial pilot, and there’s a 7-day free trial available for Community members.

And now’s the perfect time to join, ahead of the holidays and winter! Also: This December Group Course will be led by Coach @Jane founder of We The Village and we’ll begin once we have 5-signups - still a few spots left, sign up today to secure your seat!

If you haven’t already: Click HERE TO JOIN THE CLINICALLY PROVEN COURSE


#314

Hello - here goes my first post.

I’m here because I’m lost and at the end of my rope with my husband’s alcohol use disorder. I’ve had some idea/worried that he had a problem for over five years - the week before our wedding I discovered he was drinking during his work day. Over the years he grew continually more secretive, manipulative, and out of control with his drinking. In November 2019 we discussed my concerns and he acknowledged the problem and started attending AA. He has mostly hung around in active addiction - getting a few days sober here and there and then getting up to around 45 days in two consecutive periods after he did an intensive outpatient program.

That ended in December and he’s been unable to stay sober for more than a few days since, despite attending meetings every day and having a sponsor he likes and a good group of sober friends. And sure, the drinking and relapse is hard, but for us, his lying, secrecy, and manipulation of me is what’s killing me. I have learned a lot about addiction and spend a ton of time talking to him and thinking about how to support him. But he continues to lie to me, even when directly confronted.

I recently set a boundary: if he lied to me about drinking one more time, I would leave and prepare to file for divorce. And, of course, it only took a couple weeks for him to lie. And now I feel stuck. I know/feel I should protect my heart and get off this rollercoaster ride and leave. But I also feel terrified and like a bad person? I’m so incredibly tired of this and scared for the future it will leave our kids with.


#316

Sending out a #WarmWelcome to our MANY 80 new members : @christinaaa @Keyster76 @Eajefferson @Shelly @Bglynn16 @Erin @Alexawall90 @Carol_Ratliff_Drury @Dee @Stephy1 @LLN @shelbybeyer21 @Andi @Frida @Ronalda @Erin62 @Mvollink @Lalardz @Courtney @Organicdandelion @hepowers @AngB81 @MaudElisabeth @rhianna4 @SAC20 @Lalardz4 @Cupcake_J @PLJ @90days @Mugs73 @Hares @Devinabarbie @stevenc @Dianaquinn1982 @Lforlisa @chess @fennergirl @Vbg2413 @ALE @jbproesch @kjbergfalk @Mrgn @Balexanderl @Dezy @Nicolalouise @Melaniealexis @KCBee @mollyf512 @Steffyxo @ashleycat23 @shelb @Nora @hauntedbones @Jv577 @Lost @Presley10 @Bonnie2468 @Kaylee @Lisa1 @Stressed @Erin2 @shwoodward @Something @devorah @aims @Jenny @Amychoma @home830 @Bythesidewalk @Vivid @Sewall74 @kpow2 @JMarie580 @Shell @lilgreg1 @Rusty01 @marymc @Britt1424001 @efkelley @BYOB2424 If you haven’t yet, please take 5 minutes to:

  1. Say ‘hi!’ on this thread & tell us where you’re typing from and how the Community can best support you.
  2. Find one question that you feel comfortable to answer! Every question or answer added honestly makes this place a more valuable resource for all .

And since you’re joining us here in the Village Community, you’re probably ready to try something new that’s proven to work - we hope you’ll try one of our Coach-guided Course options to learn skills that work (sooner rather than later! ) - proven in NIDA Clinical Trial pilot, and there’s a 7-day free trial available for Community members.

And now’s the perfect time to join, ahead of the holidays and winter! Also: This next Group Course will be led by Coach @Jane founder of We The Village and there are still a few spots left, sign up today to secure your seat!

We have our next Group Course beginning Wednesday March 17th, and running Wednesdays 6-7pm EST for 12 weeks. Love to have you with us, sign up HERE

If you haven’t already: Click HERE TO JOIN THE CLINICALLY PROVEN COURSE


#315

Thanks for sharing such a thoughtful post @Bythesidewalk
In our course we cover the topic of ‘Limits’. It’s the practice of identifying our breaking points and setting plans in motion to brake (like in a car, putting our foot on the brake) before we break. It sounds like you set out to do this, but as you’re finding out it’s important to also be confident in our follow through and to set up the conditions for success. Unfortunately in recovery it can be hard for them to follow through - their impulse control and rational reasoning and follow through are impaired. So even if their intentions are golden, their capability to follow through may not be solid. A set up for failure.

If you’re up for it, I think you should try out our course before saying goodbye and following through on this boundary. Not if you really want to go, if that’s the case take care of you and your family as best as you see fit. But If you feel like you want to try something proven to work - this is 100% worth a try. I have to say it like this because all too often people come to us and say they wished they’d done our course work sooner. It’s one of my mission’s to get to you sooner!

Please consider it :slight_smile:

So…just in case you’re interested, we have our next Group Course beginning Wednesday March 17th, and running Wednesdays 6-7pm EST for 12 weeks. Love to have you with us, sign up HERE


#317

Sending out a #WarmWelcome to our 12 new members: @susielou @Kaito7 @theresaram @Leooooxxx @Momof4boys @App @Rachaeljanz @Moms @Stacyfuhri @randomuser @JRS @Joloto
If you haven’t yet, please take 5 minutes to:

  1. Say ‘hi!’ on this thread & tell us where you’re typing from and how the Community can best support you.
  2. Find one question that you feel comfortable to answer! Every question or answer added honestly makes this place a more valuable resource for all .

And since you’re joining us here in the Village Community, you’re probably ready to try something new that’s proven to work - we hope you’ll try one of our Coach-guided Course options to learn skills that work (sooner rather than later!) - proven in NIDA Clinical Trial pilot, and there’s a 7-day free trial available for Community members.

If you haven’t already: Click HERE TO JOIN THE CLINICALLY PROVEN COURSE


#318

Hello! I’m joining this site in search of support and information concerning my relationship with my boyfriend who is a heroin addict. I appreciate all of the honesty being shared by members. I live in Baltimore.


#320

Sending out a #WarmWelcome to our 7 new members: @Joloto @Lucci @VANESSA1 @Jal032021 @Butterfly345 @Tholliday75 @Jray5446
If you haven’t yet, please take 5 minutes to:

  1. Say ‘hi!’ on this thread & tell us where you’re typing from and how the Community can best support you.
  2. Find one question that you feel comfortable to answer! Every question or answer added honestly makes this place a more valuable resource for all .

And since you’re joining us here in the Village Community, you’re probably ready to try something new that’s proven to work - we hope you’ll try one of our Coach-guided Course options to learn skills that work ( sooner rather than later! ) - proven in NIDA Clinical Trial pilot, and there’s a 7-day free trial available for Community members.

If you haven’t already: Click HERE TO JOIN THE CLINICALLY PROVEN COURSE


#319

Welcome! It’s great to have you here with us @JRS <3