The Newcomer's Welcome: What brings you to Village?

welcome
newcomer

#225

I like many others was the epitome of naive to the strength of grasp heroin addiction can truly hold onto someone struggling with addiction with. I had no concept. Never had a reason to be educated about heroin, heroin addiction, etc.

Then my boyfriend of 3 yrs (1.5 yrs at the time I discovered his secret life of using) came clean to me after a long time of my not understanding what was causing our relationship to be SO DARN FREAKING HARD. Why could we no longer get on the same page with one another? We used to with such ease and effortlessness.

I was gullible and thought since he told me that he’d swoop right into recovery. And he did. Heroin Anonymous, sponser, all the things… for about a month. Then the behavior snuck back in. Little by little.

I finally told his mom of his drug addiction. But he’s now using her as a tool against me. Pulling the strings and telling his own narrative. An untrue narrative.

I stay hyperfocused on him, his behaviors, his mannerisms, his whereabouts, etc. I’ve lost myself and my own sense of agency within all of this. At no fault to anyone but myself. I get that. But I don’t know how to disconnect from the cognitive dissonance I experience trying to “disassociate the person from the addiction”. It’s so hard for me.

I’ve tried compassion, grace, kindness, empathy, threatening, ultimatums, shaming, guilting, blaming, begging, pleading, rage, etc. And NOTHING gets through to him. No matter what he’s saying to my face, there’s a calculated reason for it that benefits his agenda.

I don’t know what else to do. How else to handle this. I don’t want to up and leave. If the shoe was on the other foot, I’d hope someone would stick with me through such a relentless battle. But, at what point does loving him become too heavy? At what point do I run out of love and energy? Is there a threshold I’ll come to? When will that be? Why can’t I seem to get support from his friends and family? Like this isn’t a big deal? Like he couldn’t potentially lose his life. Like that’s not actually very likely to happen?

I’m discouraged, disappointed in him and myself for being such a pushover and falling for his lies even when my heart is screaming to me to not believe him. I’m exhausted. I’m scared for him but also in a selfish way I’m scared this is my life now. Because I am too chicken to leave for fear for him and also due to my own codependency to him and my fear of being alone.


I’m excited to have stumbled across this site. First time I’ve seen anything like this strictly for the family, partner, friends dealing with addicted loved ones.


#226

@Laceytbowen thank you for joining us here and sharing - you are among peers here and I’m sure many of us can relate to what you’re going through. I look forward to getting to know you more through this community site and our weekly meetups :slight_smile:


#227

Sending out a Warm #WednesdayWelcome to our 11 new members this week:
If you haven’t yet, please take 5 minutes to: @Eric @JoLa @Katherine_H_Turner @Ibogaine-Supplier @blackheartedqueen @Sweetiepie @researcher @Mamas_regab @Jason_Down @KristinaRepp @Laceytbowen

  1. Say ‘hi!’ on this thread & tell us how the Community can best support you.
  2. Find one question that you feel comfortable to answer! Every question or answer added honestly makes this place a more valuable resource for all .

Also, please join us tonight for our weekly online group meetup!

Tonight we tackle:
Boundaries - Learning where to protect ourselves is important to surviving the long addiction recovery journey and to providing any support to our loved ones. You’ll gain a positive outline for how to set boundaries that work for you and your loved one from this meetup.

For easy access RSVP: HERE
Talk tonight!
Jane


#228

Hi all! Thank you @jane for the welcome! I found you all via Instagram… following your posts etc… my brother passed away from in February from an accidental opiate overdose which we later found was mostly fentanyl. I founded a NPO to try and connect families and the bereaved to resources that can help them in their journey of supporting a loved who is in active addiction, recovery, or sadly has lost their battle. Thank you for your welcome and allowing me to be part of this community :heart:️:purple_heart:


#231

Thanks for being here and sharing @KristinaRepp :slight_smile: :heart: again - so sorry to hear about your brother, sending all of the love.


#229

@KristinaRepp It’s wonderful to have you here and to meet you via the internet. My heart goes out to you and your story. I hope you are able to find that everyone is here for you on We the Village. Please reach out to me if you ever need a listening friend!! I might not be able to directly related to your situation but I am more than willing to listen. Always!


#232

Grateful for you @Laceytbowen and your very very kind support :heart:


#233

Sending out a Warm #WednesdayWelcome to our 7 new members this week:
If you haven’t yet, please take 5 minutes to: @emilyacacia23 @Dela0819 @Bernadine_Farrelly @Jessica @Liza_Casanova_Donnay @Rossann93 @Classic_Cliche

  1. Say ‘hi!’ on this thread & tell us how the Community can best support you.
  2. Find one question that you feel comfortable to answer! Every question or answer added honestly makes this place a more valuable resource for all .

Also, please join us tonight for our weekly online group meetup!

Tonight we tackle:
The Science of Addiction Recovery - And how that informs how we trust and handle deceit in relationship with someone going through it. You’ll gain a new perspective and way of relating from this meetup.

Addiction 101 is not a course in school. That’s why we teach it. Because knowing the science behind addiction and recovery changes the way we relate to a loved one going through it.

For easy access RSVP: HERE
Talk tonight!
Jane