I’ve written quite a few posts about the love of my life. He is what I consider to be an end stage alcoholic. He’s been drinking for 30 years. I’ve know him for about 13 years and throughout our friendship/romance I’ve watched his disease progress and slowly take over him. Over the past 13 years I’ve watch this man go from a fun loving, life of the party and my best friend, to a person in complete despair. He’s been to rehab many, many times, had trouble with the law, lost umpteen jobs, ruined many relationships with family and friends, and has lost most of any self-confidence he once had.
This past year we’ve had many celebrations. He was able to stay sober for 4.5 months, his third longest time being sober. We went to New Orleans during Mardi Gras together completely sober and attended AA meetings. He got back in with his AA guys and started golfing and enjoying some comrade. He says it was the happiest time in his entire life. So I think that says something pretty significant.
In May after a series of slips, he relapsed. Although he has made several attempts to get better and sober he has not been able to stick with it. I think he is truly struggling with self-esteem and also in dealing with emotions minus the booze. Every time he relapses I think his mental capacities are worsening. Yesterday I drove him to rehab. This is the third time since May we’ve tried inpatient. It got so bad this time that I had to block him on every outlet: phone, Facebook, etc. as he gets verbally abusive and very mean and does some pretty crazy things when he drinks. So I have to remove him for my sanity and safety. He is at a point in his addiction where he is completely nonfunctional. He even loses control of his bodily functions. The only reason I opened up communication is because his mother, whose 70 years old and not in the best state of mind or health herself, desperately asked me to try talking to him. Once i opened up communication he just sobbed like a baby. He says he knows I’m slipping away from him. He doesn’t want to lose me. He hates living like this. He wants help. He set up the appointment to go inpatient and I reluctantly helped him pack and go. I say reluctantly because I don’t want to allow myself to get involved and back into the cycle of sober for one week, drunk the next. At the same time, I’ve always said I’d support recovery. So I don’t want to turn my back on him.
I guess I’m at a point where I’m searching for some ounce of hope, but at the same time I’m beginning to feel like how much more can I take? Is there hope for a person whose been drinking this long? I want to believe there is. Has anyone on this site had experience with a loved one getting sober from alcohol later in life or when they were in the end stages of alcoholism? Am I enabling him by being there when he needs me to help him get sober? Or should I be cutting the ties as a means bring him to a rock bottom? His track record over the past 10 years has not been good, but I know he hates this.
Truth is. I still love him with all my heart. Under that monster of a disease is a very kind, gentle, helpful, caring, loving man. But I have to ask, am I cutting myself too short by dedicating even an ounce of my life to this?