Spouse relapsed (again) after completing treatment

relapse

#1

New to this page… I have no one to talk to and no one that would understand. My spouse of 6 years has struggled with their addiction to alcohol since the day I met him, we drank heavily together when we met but I was young and didn’t think much of it until we had a daughter and I got better while he got worse. He’s now been in and out of jail our daughters whole life (she’s turning 5) he becomes violent when intoxicated and has racked up numerous violent felony charges but I’ve stayed and tried to help him through his addiction. I’m currently 31 weeks pregnant with our second child, as of yesterday I believed he was over 7 months sober but he admitted to me last night that he relapsed last week after I left with our daughter during a argument. He just graduated from a live in treatment program about a month ago, I really thought this time was the time but now I’m at a loss for what to do next. I want to support him and let him know that I’m here for him, I want this to be a slip up and not become active addiction again but I feel he’s not being 100% completely honest about his relapse and I believe he had started drinking before he admits to it. A part of me wants to stay, but most of me wants to go. My daughter has delt with the consequences of his addiction for 5 years, and my son is yet to know the pain that is coming with it. This was his first time actually reaching out for help and going through with a program (although it was court ordered) I don’t think at this point it’ll ever get better, so what’s next? Take the kids and leave? Need support more then ever now with no where to turn.


#2

Hi @Anonymous1520 - It’s so lonely and confusing when loving an addict. And it’s definitely overwhelming. It can feel as though the rest of our lives weighs on this one decision: what do I do next? The answer doesn’t have to be the one and only, all-encompassing answer that solves everything. It can be much simpler than that. What’s next? Well, you reached out for support here. When I found out my husband was using heroin again, I took a long walk by myself to clear my head. I decided to I needed to start loving myself again. I made an appointment with a therapist the next day. Those were the first steps in my own recovery.

I know it’s so much harder with a little one. My son is 5 years old, and self care means I have to find childcare first. Luckily my husband is clean now and takes care of our son whenever I need time for myself. When he was in active addiction, I relied on my mom and mother in law and sister in law. Is there someone close to you who can help with your daughter?

Take care of yourself. Figure out your needs, set boundaries, and trust your gut. Take it one day, one moment at a time. If it starts to feel overwhelming, just ask yourself what the next right thing is, and do that. Breathe. Hold on to truth and love. Start a gratitude list to help stay grounded in the beauty of present. There are also similar conversations in this community that you might find helpful - just type “relapse” in the search bar and you’ll see that you’re not alone. Sending love.