I haven’t seen my mom since last Mother’s Day. Over the past year we’ve really built our relationship but it’s still pretty new. We’ve finally planned a day to hang out together this Monday. I’ve never spent more than a few hours alone with her, at least as an adult. I’m a little anxious about what we will talk about. I want to keep it light, but I also want to feel like I’m making a meaningful connection with her while we are together. Any ideas?
This is great that you have a day planned to hang out @carolzevallos! Totally understand your nerves, though…
Do you guys have an activity or two planned? That might give you a jumping-off point for something to talk about! Any movies out in the theater? Or you could make a meal together? Maybe a paint your own pottery class?! Or a walk/hike?
As for making meaningful connections - if you’re asking for advice - I think that just being together, even if there’re silences (awkward or not), is meaningful. To stay present in your time together, and make eye contact, and listen when she speaks, or share from your heart (instead of filling silences with “just anything” to keep it from feeling uncomfortable) will mean a lot to her.
Please let us know how it goes!!
Thank you for the advice! That really helps And yes, we are planning to have breakfast and then go to the movies. I figured doing things in the morning would be best since she won’t have as much time in the day to have any drinks. I’m bringing her a necklace I bought for her while I was in Ecuador so she knows I was thinking of her on my last trip there. I am a little nervous but mostly excited. I think it will be a great next step in our relationship
It is so exciting to be with someone you care for.and a great chance to build connection and show love. I would consider preparing a meal or remind her of the best recipe,something you both can do together, you can tell her about your journey and that you figured how that necklace would look on her. You can turn on her favourite t.v show and watch it together with home made popcorn. Ask her to tell you more about your early childhood, things that only her can remember. I guess that might splash some intemacy in the air …best of luck darling
I agree with everyone here that there are certain activities, such as movies or enjoying a favorite meal together, that can be amazing conversation starters! Does she have a hobby? Maybe she likes biking or dancing— you perhaps can incorporate one of these activities into your shared time together to make it even more enjoyable!
Another thing that I mentioned in an older post that not a lot of people remember to think about is that parents LOVE hearing about all the great things their kids are up to! Have you had any success with any new year’s resolutions? Made a new friend? Or maybe you’re working on a new project, or even got a promotion at work? When parents heat their kids are doing well, they feel good about themselves… for doing their part to raise a good kid. That’s sure to make your mom smile
Just wanted to share how seeing my mom went. The good thing is that I’ve learned to never have any expectations when it comes to my mom. She ended up having her boyfriend come with us to lunch. I’m not going to lie, I was pretty bummed since she and I had been planning this mother daughter day for a long time now, like months. We did get some alone time after lunch when he went to work but we only had time to do some shopping for about an hour or so before I had to take her back to her boyfriend. I guess they were having problems cuz he didn’t trust that she was doing what she said she was doing. She does have a major lying problem and I’m sure she got caught. I get that he was being protective of her and seemed to really care about her but still. I got ripped off of the alone time I was trying so hard to get with her. We did have some nice conversations in the car and at Target and I gave her the necklace I bought for her in Ecuador. We took some nice pictures together too. So it’s nice to have those since I don’t have many. But the sad thing is that my mom ended up leaving her boyfriend just a couple days later and is back at her “friends” house, where she always drinks. It’s sad to see that she really just cant seem to stay in one place for long. Even if it’s what’s best for her…
Thanks for the update @carolzevallos, I’m sorry it didn’t go as planned, but things in life often don’t go the way we hoped they would. I think it’s great that you got to have some alone time with her, even if for an hour.
Maybe a different way to look at the situation is to manage your expectations, like you mentioned, but also acknowledge that things may take time to change. And this is a starting point for potential future mother daughter days, which perhaps, over time will really be just you and your mother! Try and build on this day if you can, I’m sure seeing you meant the world to her and she knows how much you care.
Thanks so much for looping us back in @carolzevallos! I’m glad you can celebrate what went well about the day - some alone time after lunch, nice conversation, and photo memories - even if it wasn’t what you had hoped overall. Did you guys make a plan to get some time together again soon (ish) so you can ‘check-in’ now that she’s back under bad influence at her friends house?
Yes there are definitely a lot of wins from visiting her! Unfortunately it is hard to see her since she lives in another state and doesn’t have a car. But I do talk to her quite often on the phone. She said she got back together with her boyfriend who doesn’t drink so at least she’s not with her other party friends right now. She seems to have stabilized a bit. Hopefully she’ll stay this way for a while.
@carolzevallos Since your mom has seemed to stabilize a bit, this seems like the perfect time to jump in and get closer to her! Addiction can definitely have this zig-zagging pattern, and it’s really important to take advantage of when the times are good to build up that loving relationship to remind your loved one of the good parts in life. Wishing you luck and please keep us updated!