My husband lives in a place of shame these days and often when he’s been drinking heavily, he asks me “why do you even like me?” It’s easier some days than others to answer that question when he is drunk, but it always makes me so sad to know that he feels unlovable and unworthy. I tell him that I love him enough for both of us and there are many reasons for that. One day I decided to make a list in my phone and have been sending him a text message every day for the last few weeks of reasons why I love him. It started as a way to remind him that he worthy, valued, loved and seen, even when he feels like it the least. But the act of making the list, updating it, and sending a text every day has served as an important reminder for me too as to the MANY reasons why I love him and am in this relationship. On the hardest days, the ones where I don’t even want to send a message because I am so mad, or frustrated, or tired, these texts have helped me to pause and think of something that makes me smile, or laugh, or a happy memory and I realize that what started out as an exercise for him has been serving an important purpose for me too.
It can be so easy to forget all these positive things when you’re in the thick of it, and I know if we forget it, so must our loved ones, so I wanted to share in case this is useful for anyone else
I’d love to hear any other thoughts on unexpected things that have turned out to be self-care.