Should I give my ex another chance after relapse?

alcohol
relationship
recovery

#1

Hello all

I have been with my partner for 18 months. To start with I had no idea he was an alcoholic. We were both having lots of fun together and our social drinking concealed his addiction. He seemed like Prince charming and supported me at a very hard time in my life. I started to become worried as I noticed his character changing negatively when drunk. He would be aggressive to other men and jealous and possessive of me which caused arguments. overall we were happy though and my partner when sober is a loving, caring man who idolised me. I then started to notice bottles hidden everywhere and the fun drinking was turning into something altogether more sinister. I backed away from my social drinks as I felt I was needing to look after him more and more. The police were involved several times due to his drunken behaviour, which at times verges on psychosis as his mental health is poor ftom having ptsd. I felt like I was living a double life, fifty percent cuddles, being run bubble baths, cups of tea in bed and feeling looked after. To babysitting a staggering, abusive monster who takes every ounce of my energy to control. We reached a point where I had to get him into rehab. I paid £5000 for him to go there and he left after 2 weeks, stayed sober for another 2 weeks then relapsed at the beach one day on a picnic. He went to buy the food for us all and came back smelling of alcohol. He then went on a massive bender , culminating in me splitting up with him and him slitting his wrists to stop me leaving. He was taken to hospital and walked out 4 hours later before his psychiatric assessment. I went to stay with parents. He then broke back into my home and refused to leave even though I offered to pay for a new flat for him. He trashed my home and had to be removed by police, he bombarded me with awful texts the whole time we were separated. I knew it was a huge cry for help but I wasn’t allowed to go to the house as my family felt he was dangerous. Domestic abusive officers have been involved because of the way he was when drinking. He always managed to control himself around my children. He was much worse when they weren’t around. This was one month ago. He is now in rehab 200 miles away. He is desperate to make a mends. He’s at rock bottom and off the booze once again. I speak to him several times a day and I do still love him. My family think he is a total nightmare and I can do better. They did really like him until he became unwell and started making my life so hard and traumatic at times. I am visiting him this weekend to see how it goes. Im going in secret as my family would be horrified if they knew. Can he really change this time or should I walk away? Everytime I try to leave i end up missing the good parts so much im pulled back. I have been asked out for coffee with another man and I wonder should I go to see what a man free from addiction can be like? Im confused and probably not capable of making a good decision at the moment. My head says walk away and my heart says give him another chance and if he screws up again that’s it. Your advice would be so appreciated xx