Share your Weekly Wins & Worries 11.28.18-12.5.18

wins
reflection
worries

#1

What’s your current state of mind? Wins, Worries, this is the place to freely share what’s on your mind this week. We’d love to hear it!

And remember, you never know how your share might help this week! :slight_smile:


#2

3 years into recovery post-rehab my husband is showing new heights of responsibility and care. I’m just blown away and really proud. Simple things like waking up on time, holding stress and not acting out.

I think a holiday in the sun helps to keep things in perspective.

The quitting smoking went a bit out the door, but will come back into the mix now we’re back at home. And I’m not too concerned. I trust he’ll get there <3


#3

My son is temporarily homeless and carless, but I am not worried! This is a huge win for me. Yes, it’s stressful but not all-consuming. He has had a place to sleep alternating between girlfriend, brother and our house.

I spoke about his troubles (some of which he brings on himself) at my group recovery meeting and heard myself say, Life is a struggle. It’s not supposed to be easy.

One gift we can give to our loved ones is to trust that they can handle the struggle and not take too much responsibility away from them. It’s always a question of finding the right balance.


#4

Amazing, thanks for sharing @Julie_Smith


#5

Celebrating you for this @Julie_Smith! What an amazing feeling!


#6

Worry: Sister is MAD at dad, and I’m trying to navigate between the two.

Win: Was able to coach my sister to use some of the CRAFT positive communication tips I’ve learned here! Instead of going after aaaallll the things that she wants dad to differently - how can we start with just one? And be specific.


#8

Worry: My son has had a hard time taking any inconvenience and takes it personally to the point where he gets into a negative spiral. This has been happening a lot recently but we’re working through it.

Win: Despite the emotional setback he is still getting up to work every day and doing well. And I am working on ways to communicate with him like @katie did using CRAFT techniques and it’s completely changed our relationship for the better!


#7

@katie THAT IS AWESOME to hear you used CRAFT tools!


#9

So I’m almost near finishing my BA in psychology. I’m trying to just get though this next few weeks by focusing on myself and doing well in my final thesis paper.
Last week I let my boyfriend move back to our apartment after he was at his parents for over a month. This was after I found out he has multiple addictions which has had him steal for me on 3 separate occasions (that I know of). He has completely shattered any trust I have. I bought a safe in preparation of him returning home and have a greater sense of mind when I go to bed knowing I’ve left him little opportunity to steal from me again. Of course I don’t want to live the rest of our lives like this, inconstant mistrust and fear he will use me again.
I want him to make a relapse plan with me, that @Dean_Acton suggested but I am trying to finish off my semester without his added addiction stresses. I have also put couple counselling on the back burner till I’m graduated. I’m not surprised we are not doing the best right now as we have yet to address these massive issues.
I worry that this is making it easier for him to fall back into bad habits. I believe that getting on a good routine will deter his addictive tendencies. So I ask for him to take responsibility for the dog. This is seemingly going back to the same expectant behaviour as before. He expects because he works night shifts that he should not have to wake up at a reasonable time, which therefore means I am looking after the dog all day. I love the dog and I would do anything for him but I believe as the dog is my boyfriends responsibility he should wake up earlier and start to create this early morning routines by taking the dog out when he gets up, before he goes to work and when he comes home from work. I believe by doing this and having such a dependant he can start to form healthy lifestyle habits.
The biggest thing that is scaring me right now is that I feel I will constantly have to monitor his behaviour. For some reason, maybe I could sense his addictions unconsciously were already a problem in the beginning of our relationship I have been monitoring his social media activity and especially his text messages. Yesterday though I was looking through his browser history and saw all these gambling sites that were frequented several times a day. I freaked out this morning when I found him in bed next to me as I had brought up this activity on his laptop that I found and I thought I made it clear how upset I was. I told him I needed him to get out of bed and I needed him to block these sites and think on getting a nanny app that blocks these gambling sites. He tried to explain to me how he has a virus on his computer and has no clue how those sites came up on his history. I told him I trust his browser history more than I did him and if it is that he has a virus he needs to wipe his computer. He told me he understood why I don’t trust him but that he is going to meetings to work on his gambling addiction.
I don’t trust him at all and I feel that he is either lying to me or manipulating me. I hate to feel like a fool but for right now I cannot focus on himand his deception. I just know I have taken every caution to make sure I will not be effected monetarily by his addictions. For right now there is not much else I can do I just feel safe knowing my finances are locked away.
I am also apprehensive to how seriously he is taking his addictions. Viewed in a disease perspective, as with AA, drinking again is irrational. As the disease perspective views drinking or any sensation seeking outlet it is a slippery slope. So when I hear my boyfriend talk about how it’s hard for him to see himself never drinking again I worry that he only views this addictive tendency as a blip in his life, as in the effects of drinking will not hinder him in the long term as in say 20 years from now. I know this is hard for people to come to terms with, the disease model but I also worry these are warning signs for me that he will never grasp the full magnitude of his addictions.


#10

My state of mind is slowly coming to ease and trust that was broken in my relationship is slowly coming. I have come to terms that things wont change over night and everything will be back to normal in time. I have been looking into starting a new business. he is so at the point where he dont wanna talk dont want to express feelings not even to say i love you or give kisses. in time hopefully things will change i can see the fight in him he wants the change so badly and i admire it