Hello everyone…I am new!
Obviously found this site whilst looking for answers…my husband has admitted to me after I have asked directly whether he had something to tell me due to changes in behaviour, that he has bought Co-codamol and taken them all. We have been through detox a couple of time over the last 10 years from heroin/crack cocaine addiction and this was his final boundary with me. No more lies. And he has…again… directly to my face…again. To be fair I am done. Help? Please? Anyone? I am absolutely broken.
Hello everyone…I am new!
My husband is a heroin addict and it’s the lies that get to me, too. I try to remember the nature of the disease - that addiction is powerful and he will do anything to protect it when he’s in active addiction, including lie to everyone in order to hide. I try to hold on to truth where I can. Your husband admitted it to you - that is a truth. I’ve had my husband lie to my face while holding needles in his hand. It’s taken a lot of work to separate the addiction from the person, and to learn how to trust again - which right now for me involves figuring out what trust means to me. But I hear you - I also start to wonder how long I can keep doing it with every slip. But with every slip, we both get stronger. This whole addiction battle has made us better people, better spouses, better parents. We all have our struggles. This one is ours, and it hurts, and it takes a lot of work. Individual therapy for both of us, couples therapy, Al-Anon, community, healthy hobbies, tons of reading, yoga, medications, connections, daily conversations about recovery, faith, spirit, all of it is necessary to heal, and we continue to heal every day.
Sending you love. Take it one day at a time. No matter what happens, these feelings of fear will pass. Just try to stay present in the moment and find gratitude in the now.
I absolutely love reading your comments on here and also on your IG. They’re so so similar to my current situation especially with the lying/hiding aspects you mention. It really helps to hear that there’s a glimmer of possibility for us when most everything and everyone else tells me to jump ship immediately. ️:heart:️
I can’t offer you any advice or suggestions bc I too am dealing with the same lying lying lying all the time freaking lying. Omissions, deceit, manipulating, crazy making, projecting, evading, avoiding, etc. All of it. And it truly is one of the main points that I can’t seem to work past. The disconnect is palpable in my relationship when these things are happening. But I feel everything you’ve said and you’re not alone in this! ️
I am surprised when you say that every time there is a slip up or relapse your relationship gets stronger. I am finding that every time there is a slip up our relationship has got worse!!! Less trust and more questions!!! Go figure! Am so fed up have had enough. After nearly 11 years it is definitely over…I DESERVE better and am choosing a better life. He can do it on his own from now on…
I know, it’s hard to see how a relationship gets stronger the more they fall. But for me, what’s most important is what happens after the slip. The last few slips, my husband has gotten right back into recovery, and we move forward with a deeper understanding of triggers and what more work needs to be done. For example, after one of his slips he decided to start seeing an individual therapist. We try to take the slips as an opportunity to grow. Looking back at where we were three years ago, we are so much stronger and further along in recovery. It’s still bumpy and I still question a lot of stuff and I’m still struggling and he’s still struggling, but I just try to remember how far we’ve come.
That said, you need to do what’s best for your situation, because I know every story is different and I also know all too well how exhausting it is to be lied to over and over again. I fear I may not be able to take it much longer either, but for right now, today, we are ok, and that’s what I hold onto.
Ok…I do actually get that.
My husband realised what triggered him (despite me highlighting things were becoming difficult for him way before that) and has engaged with a weekly support group…which he has always rejected. Also he has referred himself back into the mental health team and allowed me to perform drug tests before allowing him to have access to our son, we have had safeguarding issues before. This was all taken on of his own accord.
Still not happy about the lying but do appreciate the work gone in post relapse. X