Rehab stay- pushing me away

self-care

#1

My husband is currently 3 weeks in to a 5 week stay at rehab for alcohol and gambling. I feel like he is pushing me away. I went to visit him last weekend and due to some car troubles it was very stressful and we fought. He asked me not to come visit this weekend because he needed to stay in treatment and focus on himself, which although hurts a little, I can understand. He just called me though and told me that he wants to get out this weekend to stay at his cousins place nearby to blow off some steam. I feel so angry and hurt. Has anyone experienced their loved one pushing them away while they were in rehab?


#2

@Ksheed Yes!

I tend to think of it like a cat. When you chase a cat and try to get them to sit on your lap and let you pet them, they just run away. But when you’re chillin on the couch doing your own thing and enjoying yourself, they’ll jump up and sit right next to you.

That’s the energy I’m working on…focusing on myself and enjoying my life outside of my relationship, and that’s when I notice he comes back toward me.

It’s super frustrating sometimes, especially when I’m feeling needy and I want comfort from him. But I know that I’m capable of comforting myself and enjoying things without him, and that makes it soooo much sweeter when he makes an effort to be near me and show that he loves me.

I hope that helps. :hearts:


#4

Thanks Karilyn. It does help :slight_smile: I will try thinking of it in this way.


#3

In my experience working on recovery takes superhuman effort - and it’s hard on us on the outside there through it all - but I do think during rehab and even in the early days after they need to focus all energy and effort on themselves. There is so much healing going on.
Sending love :heartbeat: trust the process?


#5

You’re right Jane…trust the process. Thank you.


#6

@Ksheed doesn’t make it feel any better, I just know that feeling when we’ve been there through everything and they finally go to get help and no one prepares us for that! I think the way I made it through that time was by doubling down on my own self care :slight_smile: <3 we need it too!!