My BF checked himself into a detox on Saturday and he will be going to a rehab after. He has gone through this with me during our relationship before. We live together with our cat. This time is different because I’m completely alone and I feel alone. Today I cried all day. I am happy he’s there, but I feel like all my repressed emotions were unleashed. Seeing him use, and now going to a rehab I’m not too fond of, I feel so sad. I am close with his family , but I feel like a burden talking to them to about it. I can’t talk to anyone about how I feel and I have nothing to distract myself with. Normally, I would distract myself by going to work for 8+ hours a day and then being exhausted when coming home. I would be able to at least try to attend Al-Anon. But right now, I feel completely lost and hopeless. He’s my best friend and I know he’s in the right place. I just feel extreme lonely and I feel selfish for even feeling this way.
I’m feeling lonely too. My S/O has been struggling the last two weeks with his alcoholism after 4 months sober. Although he’s sober today, I’m stuck on the what-ifs. And honestly I just feel something’s coming. He seems so anxious and unsettled. I hate waiting for the ball to drop.
I honestly feel this quarantine stuff is taking a toll on me. I feel lonely, I’m not working, and it’s getting to be mundane. I don’t really have any answers. I just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone and I can totally relate to what you’re feeling.
Personally, I have just been trying to remain busy doing some cooking and playing games with my daughter. The other night we drove out to my parents to drop off some clothes I’m donating. It was nice just to take a drive, say hi to my dad, and get out of the house for a bit. I miss stuff like that. What are you doing to keep busy? And I too have had some days where I just cry. I think this is ok and necessary sometimes. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been through a lot of trauma and sometimes I need to unleash the emotions. Sending lots of positive healing vibes to you both. ️
Thank you @Jess! I think quarantine has been hard for everyone, especially those in recovery. I know that feeling when you anticipate something to happen, it’s scary. JI feel like it made my BF anxious and really triggered him. Part of me is happy he’s getting the help he needs, but I also miss my best friend and am extremely sad to be away from him.
That’s good to just get out for a bit because being cooped up inside can take a toll on us and our relationships. Today I think I’m going to go to the store for an essentials run. I reached out to my one of my best friends who lives across the country and she mentioned making a phone call later. I’m going to try to have a good day without crying because yesterday I balled my eyes out ALL day. Thank you for your vibes! Sending to you as well.
Don’t feel that you’re being selfish for being in your feelings right now! This is a really extremely difficult time! Can I ask why you aren’t fond of the rehab facility? I am feeling a similar situation where the rehab facility was very quick to give my partner a shorter route to treatment vs. the treatment he really needs.
I also feel like a burden to his parents, or feel like his parents are using me to get to him and pressuring me to get him the help he needs without really thinking about me. Parents, though, are just feeling far away from their children in general and for you and I both, they just want the best for their kid.
I currently still work, but trying to do my job from home, workout from home, eat, sleep, and manage the stress from my partner’s substance use is all too much. Work or no work, it is so hard right now for anyone to not feel lonely, depressed, and not want to do any of the above. Have you tried telehealth therapy? It’s been my savior with all of this, as has this site. It gives me an excuse to get in my car and drive somewhere to have a therapy session. What are some hobbies that you used to love to do or some hobbies that you might want to try to take up? For instance, I started working on my cooking and baking skills, and even though I don’t need more blankets, I started practicing my knitting just to have something to do. I feel the depression though, even my hobbies are taking a back seat through all of this.
Again, don’t feel selfish. You need to think of yourself too during this time!
@jlynnshare Thank you for this response! I’m not fond of the program because it doesn’t seem to have any unique qualities and it’s only a 30-day treatment. 30 days is nothing and more like a vacation. However, today I put it into perspective that no matter what he’s still getting help and I just have to support his decision. I would be more mad and more hurt if he was still at home using, so I have to focus on the positive that he is getting help. Hopefully, after the 30 days he’ll think about getting more treatment elsewhere.
I used to do therapy one-on-one with a wonderful therapist, but then I stopped going. Sometimes I want to go back ,but I feel embarrassed that I just stopped going out of no where! How does the telehealth therapy work? Knitting sounds like so much fun girl! I have my own fashion blog and have been working on hard on it. It has been my savior since my Bf’s using at home, and I feel good that I built something myself. But right now, I have no motivation to do work on it
As @Tlee22 pointed out, SMART recovery is definitely an option out there too that I have yet to try out myself! Telehealth therapy is really just reaching out to a therapist that works with your insurance/ or without, and your schedule, and then you do a video call. It’s very different and sometimes I wish I could be in a private room face to face, but it really has helped.
But a fashion blog! YES! That sounds phenomenal. I get it too, though, about loving a passion so much, but being way too un-motivated to do it. I barely have touched my piano and yet I crave to play! It’s a very difficult time to find joy in the little things.
You know, I haven’t written this anywhere else, but maybe I should: One cool thing my partner and I decided to do was fill a jar with pieces of paper that had one good thing that happened each week. By the time we hit New Years Eve, we open up that jar and look at all the good that happened, even during his substance abuse. Remember, there is always at least one good thing every week
I agree with the other comments here, it’s definitely okay to feel whatever is coming up for you and being sad and lonely is natural anytime someone leaves for treatment and even more so under the current circumstances. Just take it a day a time! And if you’re interested in Al-Anon meetings, IntheRooms.com has some online (free) and SMART recovery has meetings for loved ones as well. I haven’t tried them, but I’ve heard others that have an really liked them, so it may be another option to get support during this time.
And of course, we’re here
I’ve been wanting to try Smart Recovery too. Hopefully when this pandemic is over I can get back to trying out different meetings. I’ve done the online ones, but Dharma was like 90 people last time I tried online which is fine, but I liked the in-person better. My therapist has helped me a ton. In fact, despite being down this week, she told me that she’s seen huge growth in me since last year when I started. I’m recognizing what I want to change and I have a plan in place. It’s the follow through I need to work on.
@jlynnshare I used to play the piano! I’ve been telling myself for awhile that I’d like to get a piano and pick up on it again. Knitting sounds like fun too! And @stayhopeful244 I think a fashion blog sounds like fun! I love shopping and clothes and all that. ️ My S/O and I have gotten into flow painting since he got out of rehab. It’s fun and therapeutic for us.
It’s so nice to hear from all these amazing people who go through a lot of the same things as I do. I feel a lot less alone.
Thank you for your response! I may try this out and see if I like it!
I love reading things like this! Lots of hope among all of this chaos. Thank you @Jess for sharing your thoughts and insights. And I highly recommend to try to find a keyboard online and just do a jam session!
@stayhopeful244 yes we do…we’ve watched a bunch of YouTube videos in how to do it, bought a bunch of acrylics and canvas, and yep we do it right at home. We’ve even involved my 9 year old daughter. It’s a lot of fun.
Thank you for this! I haven’t tried the online meetings either. I did LOVE Al-Anon locally when I met. It was super uplifting and hearing peoples’ stories in person was so powerful. I think I may see my therapist again too. It does help so much to have an outsider looking in who can help you.
The painting together sounds super fun! Do you do that at home?