My husband is relapsing and I am out of ideas on what to do, need advice ASAP

ask-a-professional
recovery
relationship

#1

My husband just got out of rehab.
He relapsed about 3 days after we got back into town. He said “relapse is apart of recovery” which is understandable.

But then, it turned into active addiction again and he is getting mad when I set boundaries (which is simply him following through with what he said he was going to do, go to AA, go the gym, etc)

He has already gave the dealer my car, has left the house for more than 24 hours multiple times.

When he actually does come home I ask him about going to treatment again, moving, etc. he agrees and tells me he wants to do better. The following morning I ask him about it again, he says he doesn’t want to do that stuff anymore, but also states that he wants to do better.

Today I wouldn’t take him to the crack dealers house to get his things and he found a way to her house anyways and hasn’t been home.

This is not me bashing him in any way, I love him BUT I don’t know what else to do.


#2

Dear Shell,
It sounds like you have a really serious problem and you are not alone to solve this. I recommend finding a professional or program near where you live to get some help for you and your husband- together or separately. You can contact the team at We the Village and they can give you a specific action plan but right now you need to think about your safety first. The counselors helped me a lot as the S/O to a person with substance use Disorder and they are still helping me navigate heavy relationships. Another place to look is @SAMHSA. www.samhsa.gov

It’s hard and almost impossible to “argue/reason/bicker” with someone when they’re high, or wanting to get high. It’s like shadowboxing, it’s sort of the person- but it sort of isn’t.

I felt sad to hear that you are losing your possessions, too. That hurts. If you’re like most people you had to work hard for that car, so it hurts to see it disregarded. Disregard- that is what hurts, all the work that went into getting it, and the consequences of now not having one to get around. Yuck. I know a lot about that. :red_car: :blue_car::taxi:I hope you take care of yourself and …

ASAP think about what you need to do to get some extra support for YOU- from online programs like “the Course” or an AA type Alanon, NA, Narcotics Anonymous, your church, civic clubs, and services.

You matter.
Things change.

I can either learn how to direct it to some extent, or stay in a kind of hyper-vigilant, high-anxiety state until it breaks. unsustainable.

Thank you for reaching out. Now you have something started… I’d like to hear about how it goes. Come back around .:four_leaf_clover:


#3

Hi @Shell, thanks for sharing <3 that sounds like it’s been tough to have had some success and then the slip which sounds like it turned into more of a relapse. How are things going for you both now?

@Thinkstet is right, as a course graduate she knows that our course work and coaching would really help you with some skills to use in these tough situations throughout the recovery journey. We have another Group Course starting soon which I’d love to invite you to join us in, I hope you’ll consider it!

And either way let us know how you’re getting on now and so the community can support you here <3