My boyfriend has relapsed 5 times within a year. He’s a binge user. He had gone 5 months without using cocaine until this past Saturday night. While he’s definitely had mood swings over the past few months, I really thought this time he was committed to not going back down this path again. In January he almost died from overdose. After 5 months and 1 week, he slipped. He told me the urge started on Thursday. I asked why he didn’t tell me. He said because he didn’t want me to try stopping it from happening. I think this was more hurtful because instead of it being impulsive, it was planned. I had no idea he was a drug addict until about a year ago. At that point, we had been together for about year. He seemed to want help and I was committed to being a support system to him. I felt like in his past, every one eventually gave up on him. I’ve attend many NA meetings with him, held on to money, function mostly on one car to minimize opportunities, got him to exercise etc…
By the way, we live together. I do everything in my power to keep him safe. But when is enough, enough? I feel so used and taken advantage of…:. Every time this has happened, he seemed very remorseful. While he did apologize for Saturday night. I didn’t see the usual, I’m sorry, I hurt you, I don’t want to lose you etc… also I might add that on Saturday night, it wasn’t an all night binge, like usual. He was home by 1130pm. He went after work so this only lasted a couple of hrs at best. He doesn’t think he really even got high. One of 2 things will happen… he will try in the very near future to get more because the craving wasn’t satisfied or he will be good for awhile.
I appreciate any advice on how to handle this situation. I feel very used and stupid. I’ve never been around drugs/used drugs so I didn’t realize what I got myself into until I was in way over my head. I love him but it’s destroying me.