Marriage while spouse is in sober living

wife
relapse
recovery

#1

hello everyone this is my first post. My wife of 15 years is an addict. We have 5 children ages 19 11 9 3 and 1. She has been in rehab 3 times. The first 2 she sweet talked me into getting her out. The last time she finally seemed to want the help. She did 34 days and was willing to do more but our insurance would not cover it. So she came home in March to what had to be difficult situation when the virus hit snd all meetings were canceled. I watched her put the work in and get 6 months of clean time… its the happiest we have ever been… im thankful for those memories regardless of what the future holds… she was finally starting to gain trust and repair relationships with the kids and family… and then she relapsed. And it was a bad relapse damage wise… she filled a benzo script and before i realized it was too late. She blacked out and was causing a scene and cursing us all out… xanax turns her into a completely different person… i had no choice but to make her leave. 3 days later she checked herself into a place that had an open bed… shes had 1 phone call and was sobbing so bad I could hardly understand her… im thankful she went back on her own rather than go on a bigger run… it may be the end of our marriage?my boundaries were very clear when she got out last time. I cannot have that chaos around the children.
I know she is angry at herself but that does nothing for the present… i told her she cannot come here after treatment. If we were able to repair this it would take time. Time she would have to live somewhere else. How do you be married and your spouse lives in sober living house? Has anyone been here and salvaged it? If we split how can I be supportive of her during this next phase whether it be long term rehab or sober living? She was a stay at home mother (a job that paid 0 but was invaluable to our family) I always appreciated her efforts at home. It seems heartless to drop her on her face with nothing but at the same time giving $ to someone in active addiction is enabling and counterproductive. I sent her some cigs in rehab today. This rehab doesn’t grant as many phone calls as others and im ok with that. Previous trips I would wait by the phone for her to call. This time I’m living my life.
I am different this time. I can feel my strength. I’m not overwhelmed with the pressure. I have help of family and friends. And more importantly I use that help. Our lives are moving forward with or without her.