Is the Course for me if I want to know how to help my addict with lying?

worries
alcohol

#1

I’m considering the Course but I’m a little unsure based on some of the language. I have done just about all of the helping and supporting of my husband that I’m able to do. I got him into IOP and he is attending daily meetings, does therapy and journals, etc. I totally understand that relapse is part of recovery and have worked hard to be understanding, supportive, and action-oriented after he drinks. What I really need help with is how to help him stop his lying/manipulation/secrecy. He will continue to hide drinking even when confronted with hard evidence. He gaslights me and I am at the end of my rope with the feeling of going crazy wondering if he’s drinking or not.

Will the course help me to help him be more open and less secretive with me. Can anything stop the lies?


#2

Dear Bythesidewalk, I completed the Course and learned more about deceit and the role it plays in addiction. There are some specific communication tools around deceit- but I’ll leave all that to the course counselors to address. In my experience, understanding the underlying drivers for lying and deceit has been helpful because it reminds me that it’s not really “personal.” The person who I love, and who loves me, is being affected by his substance abuse and that is what drives him to manipulate, etc… Now that our communication is sort of ironed out, we are in a more peaceful place. I have definitely learned you can’t out and out change people, but you can sure influence the outcomes and get to a more tranquil relationship. Good luck.:four_leaf_clover:


#4

@Bythesidewalk welcome and thank you for joining us here.

We have a whole module dedicated to relapse and recovery where we work through managing suspicion and monitoring use which comes later in the course. And as @Thinkstet mentioned one of the earliest and most foundational skills we teach in week 2, and it gets covered and applied in additional behavioral change skills in further weeks, is positive communication. It’s the underlying principle that if we leverage new techniques in communication we can create more positive dialogue. This new common ground for communicating, plus our behavioral change skills reinforce more sobriety and less using behaviors and more motivation for your loved one to make positive change.

The skill-work covered in the course is based on the fact that there are proven ways in which we can change our behaviors to influence our loved one’s behaviors.

I believe you’ll get a lot out of it if you give it a try :slight_smile:

By the way, we’re starting a new Group Course cycle beginning Wednesday March 17th, and running Wednesdays 6-7pm EST for 12 weeks. I hope you’ll join us!

Click HERE to begin now with your 7 day free trial.


#3

Love this response, thank you so much for sharing your experience @Thinkstet <3