I need help/advice/thoughts

worries
recovery

#1

Hi there. So I am extremely lost writing this post and my mind is all over the place. I apologize in advance if my post is the same.

So my boyfriend of almost 1yr relapsed in January on fentanyl. He has been in addiction for a long tome but this was the first time I had been with him during a relapse. He now is living in a sober living 12 step house and has been sober for three months.

All has gone relatively well in these three months. Things have been looking up as far as his recovery goes. I saw my boyfriend yesterday afternoon and everything seemed normal. Today i hadn’t heard from him all day until around 5pm when i called. He sounded groggy and almost like he was drunk over the phone. I asked him why he sounded drunk and he said he was tired. I wrote it off. Now…For the past month every Monday some guys from the house, my boyfriend and I play volleyball together. Today at volleyball my boyfriend looked “different” and was constantly itching. He had a cut on the bridge of his nose and redness around his nostrils. He looked and was itchy exactly like he did was he was using. Before i could even ask the guys from the house if they noticed the same things i was, they were telling me they were worried about him and could tell right away.

I then went straight to him asked him if he had used drugs and he denied. I asked him to please be honest. He denied again but said he found two adderall pills in his car (his dads old car-both of them had a prescription) yesterday and took them before I came over yesterday. Again he seemed completely fine when I saw him yesterday. I wasn’t convinced of his story so I bought a drug test that included opiates-pharmacist told me it would show fentanyl and he came up positive for amphetamine/methamphetamine only. But I still feel uneasy about it all and I am confused. I don’t know what to believe. I guess what I’m posting for is because need help on if his story adds up. How concerned should I be? And what should I say to him now?

Thank you.


#2

I have learned in these situations that it is best to trust your gut. Even when I have put “safety nets” in place - knowing my husband’s location, drug tests - in early recovery my husband will lie until I have him backed into a corner with the needles in his hand. Once there is time and progress to hold on to, it gets a little easier to trust. But lying is a part of the disease - they will do whatever they need to do to protect their addiction when they can’t/don’t want to stop. I don’t know what else I can tell you as far as what to do next, but just know that the truth will be revealed to you when necessary. It’s hard to be in that moment of unknowing - it can be unbearable actually - but trust the process and know that no matter what, the universe has your back.

I’m going to try to attend this week’s digital meetup on the science of addiction and trust. I hope you’re able to join as well - I think it will be very helpful. Sending you love. :pray:t4::sparkles: