My husband just recently started to motivate himself to get better. He has been sober a week (I know it’s not much but it is something). He is going to counseling and also AA meetings almost everyday - or at least that’s what he says.
I’ve been away for a while in Spain. I left because he just focussed on drinking and wanting to fight. I didn’t engage on them and just took care of myself and avoid him. When I left, his parents stepped in and saw for the first time what I have been dealing with regularly. This also made my husband think about all the things he has done so far and through an email I explained to him that I was done mentally and physically with all this - that after all, it was his choice, and no matter what I say or do, it is up to him to make the change and get better - that my only option for my own self care, and for my own mental health was to leave.
With all said and done, he decided he didn’t want that and has been sober for a week and doing what I explained earlier. I’m about to go back and he has asked me to tell him how I feel about it, and to be honest. Well I was, and sincerely I do not know how to feel about it. I do not want to get my hopes up if this ends been another lie and a way to get everyone off his back, or he relapses. I feel anxious and I fear that it’s just gonna last a few days and then everything will blow over and I will notice he is drinking again. He doesn’t understand how I feel, and gets angry that I’m not excited or super happy to see him. That in a way I don’t want to go back.
He also feels that he cannot trust me because when he was drinking himself to death, I reached out to his and my family for help, since I didn’t know how to handle the situation. I just do not know how to proceed with all this “new recovery phase” he is trying.
Do not get me wrong! I am happy that he is actually focused on recovery, but I just do not want to blindly believe is gonna be all good and then shatter myself when it does not, since that has happened so so so many times, and the more I hope and believe the more it hurts when it doesn’t.