Husband relapsed again and not sure what to do

relapse
husband

#1

Hi All,

My husband of 8 years has relapsed three times since the beginning of this pandemic. This past time, I made him leave our home. He went to two rehabs in early 2019 and then relapsed in October. In my opinion, he never fully humbled himself to the disease or his part in doing the work required to stay sober. He continues to blame me and our marriage for his relapses. He says that I’m a shitty wife because Im not affectionate nor loving towards him. I refuse to let him pin his addiction on me as I think he has unresolved work to do that he misdirects on our relationship. I also don’t know how to be loving towards someone who calls me nasty names and doesn’t appreciate me. He hasn’t worked in 8 years and continues to screw up opportunities with his relapses. I am the sole breadwinner for our family and I’m sick of carrying the financial weight all by myself. He is at a hotel now and wants to come home after he sobers up but he hasn’t shown any chance in his attitude towards drinking and why this keeps happening. I can’t do this anymore. I love him and want him to get better but this is destroying me and I need to stay strong to care for our beautiful 6 year old son and meet the requirement of a demanding career. I feel like I’m cracking up. At the same time, I can’t keep my job and parent/homeschool in the fall. I have already exposed us to more risk and people then I would like because of his relapse. I feel very lost and angry. I see other people living full lives and I just don’t know if it will ever be possible with him.


#2

Hi @Strongwarrior.
I don’t have many answers for you, unfortunately, but I just wanted you to know you’re not alone. My husband has been struggling and in active addiction for our entire relationship, and “working” toward getting sober for almost that same amount of time. He seems to have finally found his stride and is making HUGE steps toward what I feel could be permanent recovery, but it has not been without its major challenges and heartbreaks along the way.
The only advice I can really give you is to figure out what your own boundaries are and stick to them like your life depends on it. Own your own part in this whole situation, and work on you, which is all you can do. Focus on self-care, and that sweet boy of yours. Tune into your gut—it knows all the answers you need to do the next right thing.

And stay strong. Recovery is possible for your husband, regardless of the direction your relationship takes. You’re not alone—sending hugs. :heart:


#3

Wow such a beautiful message, thanks for sharing from your experience @Blondie :heartbeat: