Hi, my situation is a little but different than most. My Husband is Australian and I am American. Do to immigration laws in Australia, I am currently in the USA because I had to be offshore for my Spouse visa to be approved. I left Australia in September of 2018, and started noticing strange behavior from my husband in early December. My husband was 6 years clean and I have only known him for a little over 4 years (only as a clean addict). After 2 months of continuing to ask him if a relapsed occurred he finally broke down and told me. He entered back into NA on February 3rd and began a 12-step program and has a sponsor as well.
His mood has not changed AT ALL. He is still quite blunt and mean and to my surprise removed his wedding ring about 4 weeks ago, because he says, he is not the man I married and he feels guilt and shame when he wears it, so that is why he removed it.
We had discussed what we would do once my visa was approved, and he agreed that after it was, I could come home. On March 12th my visa was approved and he is now saying he does not want me to come home because he needs more time. He has said if I come that I will not like it and it won’t end well. He is fearful of being codependent and he says that is the reason he does not want me to come back.
I am sad, disappointed, hurt, and feel disrespected. He has made time for friends in his life over there, including someone who makes me uncomfortable, which he knows about, but still hangs out with. I am attending therapy and Nar-Anon meetings 3 times a week, which has helped, but I just would like to go home to my husband and animals.
I would love some insight from someone on if this behavior is “normal” for an addict in early recovery? The ring, the moodiness, the lack of respect, and the fact that he doesn’t want me to come home yet. Does anyone have some insight? I would appreciate it so much. I love him SO much and cannot picture life without him, but Im afraid of what the future holds.