How to trust a partner after relapse?

recovery
self-care

#1

My fiancé has struggled with addiction since he was about 15 years old. It started with pills then progressed into meth. I have been with my fiancé for almost 2 years. At the start of our relationship, he went into rehab to get help for his meth addiction. I told him we couldn’t start our relationship with him in a bad place so we needed to work on him finding help before diving into us. He got the help and did fine until I left to go back to college 3 months later. He relapsed. He hid it from me for a month until he finally confessed of his slip. Said he only did it once that one day when I left and didn’t touch it again. But then I felt like I had to come home every weekend from college to make sure he was on track and sober. He stayed sober for the next 16 months, until he had another slip. I found the pipe on the floor of our bedroom. This slip hurt worse, because we have a daughter and I felt that we weren’t enough for him now. He turned to drugs instead of turning to me.
That was a month ago. And now I find it difficult to trust anything he tells me. I’m questioning every aspect of our relationship, I’m questioning his actions, his whereabouts. I go throw his phone because he won’t talk to me. And I’m only questioning everything because of our daughter, I don’t want her growing up in a traumatic environment as I watched my niece and nephews grow up in. I hate living this way. I need help on how to forgive and move past this relapse without it destroying our relationship. Please help me save what is left of our relationship.


#2

Hi @Teresa - how are you? I understand your situation - I am currently struggling with trusting my husband, who is a recovering heroin addict. I’ve found myself rethinking my own definition of trust, from believing that I have to be able to trust my husband with my whole heart and know that he won’t break it, to learning to trust myself no matter what happens. I’ve written about it here. I’ve also had to change my perspective about relapse - slips and falls will happen to anyone as they try to make major changes. Recovery is not linear and it a relapse doesn’t erase any hard work. Recovery is always possible no mattter how hard or how many times a person may fall.

I’m glad you found this space. Trust and relapse is discussed a lot - have you tried using the search bar to search keywords such as “trust” and “relapse”? You’ll find a lot of questions and responses that you might also relate with. I hope you’re able to find peace in the chaos. :pray:t4::sparkles:

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