How to react when you find drugs?


#1

Hi my BF has been sober besides drinking as far as I know… he has a slip up on my birthday where he “found” a pill in his travel bag and I walked in on him in the bathroom before snorting it so I apparently stopped the situation. Yesterday, he came home from work and was changing. I heard something fall when he took his socks off and I immediately had a feeling - it was a pill. He told me he had found 5 at work in a bag under his desk. He told me he threw 4 out and kept this one because he planned on taking it for his golf outing tomorrow.

I react in so much anger and frustration because I just can’t take this. It’s too much and upsets me so much as I have been dealing with this for a couple years now. I hate drugs and never had to think about them until I have been with him. It makes me just too upset the thought of him continuing to do or thinking about doing drugs.
How should I be reacting to this? It’s hard for me to react calm and supportive anymore because I was for so long.


#2

Hello, I think I can understood what you are trying to say. I am totally agree with you it is not easy to control emotions at this situation but that outburst will never give you a proper solution, it might get disturb your relation or he will get triggered(consume more substance). I am dealing with those kind of queries in my professional life so my suggestion will is you should take a help from a professional or join a support group of family members(Al-Anon or Alateen).
Few Tips Which I think it can help you
1-You should learn about addiction as much as you can so that you will not make a any false belief or expectation.
2-Take family therapy sessions or individual therapy sessions.
3-Make a joint schedule or plan so you can understand each other more than now.
4-Follow your routine, maintain your hobbies and mainly don’t take blame of his actions. He is responsible for his actions.
5-Folow your routine, eat a good, fresh and healthy food, Take a proper sleep.

I know it’s not easy, but it’s not impossible also. You can so it just take a help.
Those are my opinion if something is wrong please correct me.
Thanks


#3

Hi @Pasta. I understand how tiring it gets when our loved ones are in active addiction. The ups and downs are exhausting. Every time he relapsed I’d wonder how much longer I could do this. When I would find drugs or catch my husband in the act, I would freak out. I’d yell, cry, start searching for more drugs, go through his phone, obsessively check his location, repeatedly call him. All behaviors that were making me go crazy. I knew something had to change and I was learning that no matter what I did, I couldn’t change him. The change had to come from within.

I started going to a therapist, I went to Al-Anon meetings, I started working on my own issues, reactions, behaviors. Now if I find out about a slip or find drugs, I still have that initial rise of panic, the tightening in my chest, the drop in my stomach, the fear and anxiety. But now I am aware of these feelings, and I know that they can and will pass. I’m able to step out of the situation a bit and trust that no matter what happens, it’ll be okay. I put things into perspective, remember that recovery is possible because I’ve seen it happen, and try not to take this one situation as the end of the world. It’s tough. But it’s possible.

Then I communicate with my husband as calmly as I can and try to figure what comes next for both of us, one step at a time.

Is there someone you can talk to when you’re feeling this way? I trusted friend, a group, a professional?